IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people disagree with a school policy which forces children to learn new languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

First of all, it is necessary to highlight that every
school
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 has its own methodology and curricular grade or programme in which all the subjects that are part of that grade are listed.
That is
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 called "curriculum". It is not correct to say that there is a "
school
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 policy that forces children to learn a new
language
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", because
that is
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not either
Correct word choice
neither
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 a policy nor
forces
Wrong verb form
does it force
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 children to
anything
Verb problem
do anything
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.
That is
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, in truth, a
school
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 program, and it is
assesed
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assessed
 by competent bodies and
high standard
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high-standard
 professionals that examinate the
programe
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program
 and decide which subjects are appropriate for each age range. Just like
matemathics
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mathematics
, science, geography or history,
languages
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 are part of a full calendar prepared in order to develop different skills,
acording
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according
 to each student's grade level.
Besides
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 that, in a
globalized
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globalised
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world
Add a comma
world,
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 it is extremely necessary to learn other
languages
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. Despite the field in which every student
decide
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decides
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 to follow in the future, learning a
language
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 enhances not only communication skills, but memory, logic and cognitive capacity. In my opinion, people who disagree with that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 should find a college and a
programe
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program
 more aligned to their
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
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.
Instead
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 of trying to drop
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language
Correct article usage
the language
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 subject
off
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from
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school
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, I encourage them to search
all
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for all
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 the benefits involved in learning
languages
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 and understand the importance of that to a child's brain.
Therefore
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, whether
if
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apply
show examples
it's for communication purposes, cultural or even to prepare students for their career, learning a second
language
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 can only be positive. Even more during childhood and adolescence when the brain cells are still developing and
absorve
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absorb
 a new
language
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 is yet easy and much faster
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then
Use the right word
than
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 when in
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 phase. In conclusion, children are subjected to what adults and especially parents decide for them, in
this
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 case deciding to interfere in a curriculum that offers the opportunity of learning
languages
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 for whatever reason goes a bit against
whats
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what
 is believed to be the best for them.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in the first part. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Focus more on the topic, not on the meaning of the words in the question. This takes time away from your main answer.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas. For example, show how a new language helps at school, work, or travel.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part have one main idea only. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler linking words and check them. Some parts like 'Besides that' and 'Therefore' are fine, but some joins feel weak or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat in a new way. Try to move forward with each paragraph instead of saying the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear opening and a clear ending.
task response
Your view is mostly clear: you support learning a new language at school.
task response
You give more than one reason, such as communication, brain growth, and future work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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