IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used to deal with criminals. Education and skills training should be used instead. Agree or disagree?

In my
consideration
Check wording
opinion
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, I would choose the agreement side mainly because not all criminals are actually guilty, spirits of each prisoner might be kind
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 money contribute everything these days, so lack of education might affect
on
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apply
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earnings
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
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 innocent people to
set up
Verb problem
commit
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 a crime. On one hand,
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 are the most important creatures for nature as their innovative creations might advance it. Almost every single man or woman is kind, generally not, but if you
ponder
Punctuation problem
ponder,
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 you might
realize
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realise
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 the awful situation they're facing, their destiny isn't fortunate.
This
Linking Words
 sad story is very tough evidence of a fact
we're
Correct word choice
that we're
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also
Linking Words
 predators eating each other.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, most of
prisoners
Correct article usage
the prisoners
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 might have been deeply injured in childhood
damaging
Punctuation problem
, damaging
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 their wellbeing and way of thinking. But on the
opposite
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, half of
criminals
Correct article usage
the criminals
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 are villains, wanting to conquer everything
on
Change preposition
in
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this
Linking Words
 world.
Thus
Linking Words
, they just steal gold, money bags or else without any
feel
Replace the word
feeling
 of kindness. And being impressed
of
Change preposition
with
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 ourselves is
also
Linking Words
 a terrible problem. We possess a thirst for being a celebrity, so our actions are usually awful, and we regret
suddenly
Correct pronoun usage
it suddenly
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, we just don't contemplate consequences. So in conclusion, we might just tell criminals what's good, and what is worse than that.
Instead
Linking Words
 of keeping us in some kind of cell
appreciating
Punctuation problem
, appreciating
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 us as
an animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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.

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task response
Make your main view very clear from the start and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Say why training is better than prison, or why not, with clear reasons.
task response
Use simple real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Keep sentences shorter and more direct.
task response
You give a clear opinion at the start and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraphing with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You try to look at both sides of the topic, which is a good plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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