IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines, does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

In recent years, with the rise of technology, many household activities are now
been
Wrong verb form
apply
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handled by
machines
Use synonyms
 and less by manual labour. In my opinion, the advantages of various machinery to deal with household tasks
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if more tasks and chores are being handled by electronic appliances, it inherently saves time and reduces
exhaustion
Correct article usage
the exhaustion
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people
Use synonyms
 face, than if they were handled manually.
For instance
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, many
people
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 five times a week and naturally the weekend, which is two days to deal with household chores
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with the invention of washing
machines
Use synonyms
 and
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaners . Many individuals have time to relax after a long work week and spend time with their loved ones if needed.
In addition
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, property
value
Check wording
values
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 in homes have increased in recent years because of the
machines
Use synonyms
 they offer, which
also
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 helps with the economy. As we currently live in fast paced environment, everyone is
currently
Rephrase
apply
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in a rush to the next thing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 work consumes most of our daily lives
, because
Punctuation problem
. Because
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 of
this
Linking Words
, more
people
Use synonyms
 require a home they can either rent or buy that gives them the luxury of dealing with
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 tasks when they return for the day. In conclusion,
machines
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 made the lives of so many
people
Use synonyms
 better and easier
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 cannot be replicated by manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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. I do believe it
best
Verb problem
is best
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 for our current society
overall
Linking Words
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one clear bad point, then explain why it is smaller than the good points.
task response
Use a more full example. Your washing machine idea is good, but the example is not finished.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some parts are hard to follow because the sentence is too long or not complete.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the first paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The main idea about saving time is relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Manual labor
  • Displacement
  • Homemaking skills
  • Technological advancements
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Resource depletion
  • Energy efficiency
  • Social dynamics
  • Operational understanding
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