IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some People argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that modern technology
like
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, like
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 mobile
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phones
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phones,
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 has limited face-to-face interactions between
people
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. In my opinion, I agree that
this
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 development has created more harm than good in our current society.
Firstly
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, mobile
phones
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 have changed the way we interact
which
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with
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 each other because it is not just a way to communicate with our loved ones but
also
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 the way we communicate with
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 in general. In the past,
phones
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 were only used to
comunicate
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communicate
 with our friends and family, we did not have social media apps to keep us
enterained
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entertained
, we were comfortable sitting in our boredom.
However
Linking Words
, with the spread of apps like Twitter and Instagram,
people
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 prefer doom scrolling for hours
which
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, which
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 makes them miss out on meaningful face-to-face interactions.
People
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also
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 create a false sense of connection with strangers, where users feel less inclined to meet
people
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 and prefer remaining internet friends.
In addition
Linking Words
, with the rise of modern mobile technology,
people
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 lack interpersonal skills and communication skills because they prefer texting
people
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 over calling or meeting them in person. Many
people
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 are
also
Linking Words
 exposed to an increasing amount of
misinfomration
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misinformation
 as uploading content has become
monetized
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monetised
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,
people
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 use these platforms to be the first to upload the hottest topics rather
been
Correct word choice
than being
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 right on what they discuss online, topics
as
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apply
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such
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 will not be
ordinally
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ordinarily
 discussed in a
face to face
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face-to-face
 situation because they have done adequate research to find out the truth. In conclusion, modern
phones
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has
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have
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 improved our lives and brought the world
with
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within
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 our reach
but
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, but
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 with the rise of other forms of communication, I believe an irrevocable doom is fast approaching with society, where
people
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 stop being smart.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to another.
task achievement
Give one real and clear example to support each main point.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more direct way all through the essay, not only in the start and end.
task achievement
Some ideas are good, but they need more full explanation so the reader can follow them easily.
task achievement
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your topic stays mostly on the question about phones and social contact.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • mobile phones
  • social interaction
  • communication
  • connection
  • texting
  • calling
  • meeting
  • friends
  • social media
  • face-to-face
  • personal bonds
  • weaken
  • engaging
  • environment
  • less inclined
  • meaningful
  • reliance
  • settings
  • individuals
What to do next:
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