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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? In this essay, do I have to first discuss positive developments and then negative developments and the give my opinion?

Nowadays,
children
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 in many countries have more
freedom
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 compared to the past.
While
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this
Linking Words
 development has some disadvantages, personally, I believe that the
overall
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 benefits of giving
children
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freedom
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 outweigh its drawbacks. First of all, more
freedom
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 encourages independence and improves social
skills
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. If parents do not control everything, youngsters learn how to make
decisions
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 about their studies or hobbies and make choices. Not only
it
Verb problem
does it
show examples
enhances
Wrong verb form
enhance
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 decision-making
skills
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, but
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also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
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 prepares them for future university life and
job
Correct article usage
the job
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 market.
Moreover
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, it might help them develop new interests through exploration of different subjects and interaction with peers.
For example
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, simply, through playing
games
Punctuation problem
games,
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 some
children
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 improve critical thinking
skills
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 and learn how to make
decisions
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 in hard times.
However
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, there are some disadvantages
,
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apply
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 that cannot be overlooked. Without good guidance from teachers and parents, they may make poor
decisions
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 or develop bad habits, which can derail their future development.
Furthermore
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, in some
cases
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cases,
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 adolescents may
influenced
Verb problem
be influenced
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 by peers and be involved in crime or drugs. In my opinion,
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 approach that values
children
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’s
freedom
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 and structured guidance from their guardians and educators can change everything.
Children
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 in today’s society tend to be more independent and do not rely on other people’s assistance, so forcing them to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 unwanted choices or prevent
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
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 making
decisions
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 towards their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 would be unfair. In conclusion,
while
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freedom
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 for
children
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 may develop social
skills
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 and prepare them for future life, there are some drawbacks that cannot be overlooked. From my perspective, it is better to provide
children
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 more space and assist in enhancing their
skills
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. Evaluate
this
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 essay

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put one clear point first, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts are a bit hard to follow because of small grammar problems.
task achievement
Give one more clear and real example to support your ideas. This will make your answer stronger.
task achievement
Answer all parts of the question in a direct way. You did this well, but your negative side can be a bit more developed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You give both sides and clearly state your opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and easy to understand most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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