IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be taught to be competitive at school, while others think that it is more important to teach them to cooperate. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people think of the necessity to teach
students
Use synonyms
 competitive skills .
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that enhancing cooperative skills is more effective.In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 tend to agree with the idea of preparing them to be cooperative members in society. Parents sometimes ask their children to get higher Marks than their classmates.They believe that if they build
this
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 desire to be the first one all the time ,
students
Use synonyms
 will be motivated and excited to get great scores.
However
Linking Words
, growing up with
this
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 mindset has long-term drawbacks.
Students
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 might be selfish and envious of others and never be satisfied with their results or achievements.
On the other hand
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, many teachers agree and prove the effectiveness of engaging the sense of
work-teams
Correct your spelling
work teams
 in classes.Some studies conducted by UK researchers show a significant improvement in the academic levels for
students
Use synonyms
 who did projects as a team.
As a result
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, learners will do their best if they feel free and not threatened to fail.These strategies could prepare them to be successful and productive in workplaces.Many jobs require a high level of cooperation and work-team skills. In conclusion , both views have advantages and disadvantages, but I believe it is extremely important to increase awareness about who the work as a team can make a huge difference in individuals and communities.The lasting impact of coping with
this
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 mindset may develop many aspects
in
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of
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 human life.
Also
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, it will give people great feelings toward themselves and others.That will make society a better place to produce and live in.

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task response
Discuss both sides more evenly. You wrote more about team work than competition.
task response
Give a clearer opinion in the middle too, not only in the intro and end.
task response
Add one more clear example for each side. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain how and why more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Sometimes the jump between ideas is a bit fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few parts are not smooth, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you support cooperation more.
coherence and cohesion
You used a clear 4-paragraph essay shape.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the introduction well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized education
  • flexible learning pace
  • peer pressure
  • social development
  • diverse range of ideas
  • comprehensive education
  • specialized educators
  • extracurricular activities
  • traditional schools
  • structured environment
What to do next:
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