IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, it is common for people to consume fast food. However, some people believe that fast food has too much influence on our lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is often argued that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is really
usual
Correct word choice
common
show examples
 in our daily
lifes
Replace the word
lives
 and
this
Linking Words
much
Rephrase
apply
show examples
isn'
t
Use synonyms
 beneficial for our health. I totally disagree with that opinion and think that fast
food
Use synonyms
 should have a bigger place in our
rutine
Correct your spelling
routine
.  First of all, thanks for fast
food
Use synonyms
we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 have to
cook
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and just like the name
fast
Punctuation problem
, fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 is faster and easier than other nourritures so we have more time to focus on our education or work life.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
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 many people sacrifise his or her time for cooking a dinner because we have to eat
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 is essential. With fast
Use synonyms
food
Add a comma
food,
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 we don'
t
Use synonyms
 have to give
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time to cooking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we can do what we have to do without
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
panic. For instanse many mothers don'
t
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 work just because they must
cook
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 for
her
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 child
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 with the influence of fast
food
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 proportion of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
 is more than older years.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 has a good effects in humans life
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 makes everything
more easy
Replace the word
easier
 and
fast
Replace the word
faster
. Second of all, there are individuals who don'
t
Use synonyms
 know how to
cook
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 with fast
Use synonyms
food
Add a comma
food,
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 they don'
t
Use synonyms
 need to learn anymore. In earlier
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 all of the people who live alone or live with family must learn cooking because there aren'
t
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 any other options
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
 citizens can survive without knowing how to make
food
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 there are a lot of univercity student who don'
t
Use synonyms
 know
cooking
Wrong verb form
how to cook
show examples
 but can live
in
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 very good
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 because of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, our world is developping and because of fast
Use synonyms
food
Add a comma
food,
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 we don'
t
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 have to
cook
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 anymore.
To conclude
Linking Words
, fast
food
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changing
Verb problem
is changing
show examples
 and influencing our lives in
adventegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
ways
Punctuation problem
ways,
show examples
 like make it faster and
survive
Verb problem
allowing us to survive
show examples
 without
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
 to know how to
cook
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why you disagree, and also say why some people think fast food has too much power.
task response
Give more balanced ideas. Your essay talks only about good sides, but the topic is about fast food and lifestyle and diet, so you should explain diet more.
task response
Use examples that sound more real and clear. The example about mothers and work is not fully explained, so the reader may not believe it.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear main idea. Now some parts repeat the same point in different words.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like first of all, in other words, therefore, and thus are used, but sometimes the sentence after them does not match well.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas are hard to follow because the reason and result are not always in a clear order.
task response
You gave a clear opinion from the start: you disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used some examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words to connect ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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