IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In our world, the very quick
grow
Replace the word
growth
 of industry
due to
Linking Words
mondialization
Correct your spelling
globalisation
 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 manpower, which is often found in
children
Use synonyms
 or young adults. The poor families in
developping
Correct your spelling
developing
 countries often make the choice to force the
children
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
, interrupting the education of the kids and creating a dependance to big companies that usually exploit the workers.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 more
developped
Correct your spelling
developed
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 the legislations are more strict and generally forbidden any form of paid labor to underaged. The
work
Use synonyms
still
Punctuation problem
still,
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 exists, with
pays
Replace the word
pay
 in cash or exploitation. The criminals often use the gullibility, admiration and inexperience of the kids.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, remunerating the
children
Use synonyms
 in declared and legal activities is
also
Linking Words
 a way to teach them responsabilities respect and cooperation. Along the lines of
this
Linking Words
 argument, hiring a kid outside his school hours allows him to be financially aware and value
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 money that he worked for. Parents can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to
this
Linking Words
 idea, rewarding the
children
Use synonyms
 for any activity that
he considers
Fix the agreement mistake
they consider
show examples
 a burden,
as
Change preposition
such as
show examples
baby-sitting
Correct your spelling
babysitting
, taking the dog for a walk or gardening.
This
Linking Words
 reward can motivate the kid and teach him the value of effort. Continuing
this
Linking Words
 idea, the child in a struggling situation can support
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 family
while
Linking Words
 pursuing
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 education, dreams and
futur
Correct your spelling
future
 career by financing school.
To conclude
Linking Words
, minors should never be exploited or
Use synonyms
work
Verb problem
forced to work
show examples
 against
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 will.
However
Linking Words
, reaching a certain age, depending on the situation
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 should be able to
work
Use synonyms
 if that helps them pursue and complete
education
Correct determiner usage
their education
show examples
. Parents should
also
Linking Words
 be able to
pay
Verb problem
do
show examples
 chores
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in a private manner to prepare them for the world they will live in.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk more about why child work is wrong, but the good side is shorter and less full.
task response
Make your own opinion very clear early, not only at the end. This helps the reader follow your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main points for each part. Start one paragraph with why it is wrong, and another with why it can help.
task response
Some ideas are good, but they need simpler and more direct support. Give one clear example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is sometimes not smooth. Use simple words like First, However, Also, For example, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You give real-life ideas like school hours, family money, and house work.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: