IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher taxes on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

With
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
 growth of health issues by over consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
, some regions
give a
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 higher taxes on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because nowadays some individuals become interest with fast
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the
tastiness
Replace the word
taste
 and
rapidness
Replace the word
speed
, neglecting the harmful
component
Check wording
components
show examples
 behind it. Currently, the
food
Use synonyms
 industry in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
countries has
growth
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
 by spreading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
restaurant
Check wording
restaurants
show examples
 and
food
Use synonyms
 product which is sold by certain
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 in every part of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon happens because the popularity among the people
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
growth
Replace the word
grows
 easily,
for
Linking Words
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 the fried chicken, hot dog, and
french
Fix capitalization
French
show examples
 fries. Despite the fast
food
Use synonyms
support
Replace the word
supporting
 the
full time
Correct your spelling
full-time
 worker, it will affect their body in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term, especially eating a lot of fat
which come
Correct subject-verb agreement
that comes
show examples
 from fried oil as a main component in fast
food
Use synonyms
 processing.
In addition
Linking Words
, if people
remain
Verb problem
continue
show examples
 consuming
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
degenerative diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as heart attack and obesity, will eventually haunt and
consequently
Linking Words
become
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
 death.
This
Linking Words
 long term disease
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
overcome
Verb problem
be overcome
show examples
 by changing the daily
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
habit
Check wording
habits
show examples
 into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy way,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 reducing the fat-rich
food
Use synonyms
 and changing it to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
food
Use synonyms
 or less processed
food
Use synonyms
. By changing
this
Linking Words
habit
Use synonyms
, our body will obviously become healthier than before.
This
Linking Words
 new
habit
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 gives higher chance of life and it can be
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
 not only
our
Change preposition
for our
show examples
 happiness, but
also
Linking Words
our
Change preposition
for our
show examples
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
. In conclusion, consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
 will
consequently
Linking Words
 give a bunch of
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 that can be harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our body, leading to death.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the only option that can overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue is moving to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
habit
Use synonyms
 by eating healthier
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as less processed
food
Use synonyms
.

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task response
For task response, answer the full question more clearly. You say you agree, but you do not explain enough why higher tax is needed and how it can help.
task response
Add one clear idea about the other side. For example, say why some people may not agree, then show why your view is stronger.
task response
Use more direct examples. You list some fast food, but you need an example that shows how tax can change buying habits or health.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only. Now some ideas are mixed.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way, such as first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence of each paragraph link back to your main point about tax, not only about healthy food.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
Your opinion is easy to find because you say you strongly agree.
task response
You use some examples of fast food and health problems, which helps your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food
  • health problems
  • high in fat, sugar and salt
  • become overweight
  • heart disease
  • public health
  • impose higher taxes
  • reduce consumption
  • change eating habits
  • medical costs
  • healthy diet
  • food labels
  • low-income families
  • cheap and convenient
  • long-term solution
  • take responsibility
  • government policy
  • access to healthy food
  • partly agree
  • a wider plan
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