In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher taxes on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the modern era, many
peoples
Check wording
people
show examples
are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health diseases because of consuming lots of junk
food
Use synonyms
.
This
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essay
i
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apply
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partly
agreed
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agrees
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with
this
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statment
Correct your spelling
statement
that
higher
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a higher
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authority has to put some taxes on bad
food
Use synonyms
to reduce the consumption of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
although
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, i believe other solutions are
also
Linking Words
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
. On the one hand, higher taxes on
the
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apply
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food
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may encourage the person to run towards the healthy option. So, before buying
anything
Punctuation problem
anything,
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they have to rethink
about
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apply
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their cost
and
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, and
show examples
this
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leads to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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another
best
Replace the word
better
option for eating.
In addition
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, goverment can
also
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organize
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organise
show examples
some
campaign
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campaigns
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to spread
the
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apply
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awareness about
the
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apply
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canned
food
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and how
this
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meal
affect
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affects
show examples
the health of old people and children's
life
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lives
show examples
.
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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example, parents can set a limit to eat proccesed
food
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for their children
like
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, like
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once
in
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a
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month only.
On the other hand
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, fast
food
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is
more
Rephrase
apply
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cheaper than good
food
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.
So
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So,
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middle class family
who
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that
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has
low
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a low
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income
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choose to get
this
Linking Words
meal because it's not
costly
Rephrase
as costly
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than
Correct word choice
as
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other meals which prepare in
resturents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
.
Also
Linking Words
, so many grocessary store has organic products
but
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, but
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all are expensive
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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middle
income
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family can't afford
it
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them
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. So rather than
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
the tax on the
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food
Punctuation problem
food,
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they must support local
grocessary
Correct your spelling
grocery
stores to health lower
income
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people
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
get
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
items in public. From survay 2024, we found out that 65% of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
consumed
Verb problem
is consumed
show examples
by
lower
Correct your spelling
lower-income
income
Use synonyms
families In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
agreed
higher
Correct word choice
that higher
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authorities should
pose
Verb problem
impose
show examples
some taxes on the canned
food
Use synonyms
items
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
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not healthy
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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they can reduce the consumption.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
policy should be
combine
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
with financial and
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
to help the
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
so they can easily access healthy
food
Use synonyms
items.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Say how much you agree and why.
task response
Use more clear main ideas in each body paragraph.
task response
Add better examples to support your points. The survey example is not clear enough.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and cleaner way. Some parts repeat the same point.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas are hard to follow because the line of thought is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer basic linkers like 'So' again and again. Try a more natural flow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give ideas on both sides, which helps answer the question.
task response
Your main view is mostly clear: you partly agree with tax but also want other steps.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on the same topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food
  • health problems
  • high in fat, sugar and salt
  • become overweight
  • heart disease
  • public health
  • impose higher taxes
  • reduce consumption
  • change eating habits
  • medical costs
  • healthy diet
  • food labels
  • low-income families
  • cheap and convenient
  • long-term solution
  • take responsibility
  • government policy
  • access to healthy food
  • partly agree
  • a wider plan
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