IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures old age people are highly valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Conflict of generations and who are the most important members in a
community
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 is a topic that has been highly debated for many years. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong answer
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the older and more experienced
people
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 and the youth should try
and
Correct word choice
to
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 reach
middle
Correct article usage
a middle
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grounds
Fix the agreement mistake
ground
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, both sides having their upsides and downsides.
To begin
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 with,
it is clear that
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 a
community
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 can benefit a lot from the experience the
old age
Replace the word
older
people
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 have gained in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Take
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for
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, for
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 example, the Asian
countires
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countries
, especially Japan, a country well-known for how it treats and how much they value the elderly. In their society, old
people
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 play a crucial part.
While
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also
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 being considered the appropriate persons to become leaders, they
also
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 take good care of future generations
and
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, and
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 they try to teach them as much as possible.
However
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, there are other cultures where youth is more valued as it is considered that young
people
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 are the ones capable of working hard,
thus
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 they should
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 be entitled to taking part in the decision making proccess.
While
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,
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apply
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this
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being
Wrong verb form
is
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 the more pragmatic approach, it comes with a high level of risk
becaouse
Correct your spelling
because
 the experience and the wise views of old
people
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 can not be easily replaced.
To conclude
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, a society should try to give praise and recognise both the qualities of the youth
as well as
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 the upsides of the more experienced persons in the
community
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. Having a good
balance
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balance,
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 I
think
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think,
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 is the way that makes a
community
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 prosper.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about old people and young people, but add a little more on why some cultures choose one group over the other.
task response
Make your opinion more clear from start to end. You say there is no right or wrong answer, but later you say balance is best. State this main view in a more direct way.
task response
Use more clear support for each main idea. One example about Japan is good, but the second body paragraph needs a more real and clear example too.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts are a bit hard to follow because of long sentences and too many ideas in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence when possible. This will make your points easier to read and understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, such as first, on the other hand, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The Japan example helps support your point about old people being valued.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches the main idea of balance in society.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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