IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

some people believe that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals think that advertising is
popular
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so popular
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 that we do not primarily focus on it,
while
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 others believe that advertising is extremely effective at convincing consumers to purchase
products
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and present my opinion. Nowadays, digital technology is developing
and
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, and
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 many
people
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 use social networks
,
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. As
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as a result
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, most
people
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get
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are
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 influenced by watching
advertisements
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and
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, and
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 they buy
it
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them
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. As an illustration, big companies are advertising celebrities to attract consumers to buy their
products
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, and these methods are successful
to
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in attracting consumers to
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 buy their
products
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.
However
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, sometimes
people
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 do not pay attention to
advertisements
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. One of the reasons is that they think it's the target of some big companies to attract and convince customers as they
play
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run
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advertisements
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 and post their stories on the internet.
For instance
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, when
people
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 watch movies on TV, they show
advertisements
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 in the middle of the film to persuade
people
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 to buy their
products
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 often
ignore
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fail
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 to watch every advertisement as they believe it leads to
purchase
Replace the word
purchasing
 unnecessary items. In conclusion,
advertisements
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 are effective but sometimes can lead to
purchase
Replace the word
purchasing
 unnecessary items

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task response
Answer both views more fully. You write about both sides, but your own opinion is not fully clear.
task response
Add a clear opinion in the introduction and support it again in the body and conclusion.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader wants more detail.
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Use examples with more detail. Your examples are relevant, but they are quite general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are used, but a few sentences feel awkward or unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Sometimes pronouns like it or they are not clear.
task response
You discuss both sides of the question.
task response
You include examples about social media, celebrities, and TV ads.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs follow a basic logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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