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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There have been some problems with public transport in your area recently. Write a letter to the manager of the transport company. In your letter: Describe the problems Explain how these problems are affecting the public Suggest some changes that could be made.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with public transport in my area. Recently,
buses
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 often arrive late or sometimes do not come at all.
Furthermore
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, some
buses
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 make me disappointed,
such
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 as several vehicles are old and not clean, leading to an uncomfortable environment for passengers. These problems are negative impact on many people. Workers and students are always late for work or school.
Moreover
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, the overcrowding makes it difficult to travel for the elderly and children.
As a result
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, many residents choose to use motorbikes and cars
instead
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. I would like to suggest some changes. And to solve these problems, I suggest increasing
buses
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 during rush hour and making sure
buses
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 run on time.
Additionally
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, cleaning and repairing is crucial role in enhancing passenger experience. I trust you will take action to improve
current
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the current
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 service. I look forward to your reply. Sincerely, Mr.Tien

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task response
For task response, add one more clear detail about the problems, like how long people wait or how often buses miss the stop.
task response
For task response, use a more formal style. Do not write 'some buses make me disappointed'. Write 'some buses are old and dirty' instead.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas in a smoother way. Do not start with 'And'. Use 'To solve this problem' or 'In addition' instead.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each sentence easy and clear. For example, change 'These problems are negative impact on many people' to 'These problems have a bad effect on many people.'
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question: problems, effects, and changes.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your letter has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph mostly has one main idea.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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