IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that money is the best gift to give teenagers, while others disagree. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving money as a gift? What is your opinion?

It is argued that
money
Use synonyms
 is the best
gift
Use synonyms
 to give
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some people disagree. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because the best
gift
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. It makes
teenagers
Use synonyms
 know how hard they can
get
Verb problem
work
show examples
 or lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. One of the main
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 is that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 will have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to buy what they want.
This
Linking Words
 means that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 will buy the best item
thy
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want
in
Change preposition
within the
show examples
 range of the
money
Use synonyms
 they have.
For example
Linking Words
, some people want to upgrade their pc
instead
Linking Words
 of having
more
Correct word choice
a new
show examples
 computer. Parents give
money
Use synonyms
 as a
gift
Use synonyms
 to
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 cost them to manage their
money
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 and having agrument with their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. They have to manage how much they have or how much the price of cpu. Another important
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 is that some
teenagers
Use synonyms
 do not have enough education to manage their
money
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, students are using
money
Use synonyms
 without
hesitate
Replace the word
hesitation
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some parents give
money
Use synonyms
 to their child every
months
Fix the agreement mistake
month
show examples
. Some of the children are using all of the
money
Use synonyms
 in a week. The problem is that the parents give the
money
Use synonyms
to
Rephrase
too easily to
show examples
easy for
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their child.
This
Linking Words
 makes children
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 without
hasitate
Replace the word
hesitation
, they do not know how much
it worse
Correct word order
worse it is
show examples
 to make
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is argued that
money
Use synonyms
 is the best
gift
Use synonyms
 to give
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some people disagree. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
statementy
Correct your spelling
statement
 because it
is make
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 children more patients to the
money
Use synonyms
 and manage
money
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more clearly. You wrote about good and bad sides, but your opinion should stay clear from start to end.
task response
Give fuller ideas. Some points are short, so the reader wants more detail about why money is a good gift and why it can cause problems.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your examples are on topic, but they need clearer support.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a clearer order. Some lines are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'for example', 'as a result', and 'another' are good, but some are not used in the best place.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow inside each paragraph. Some sentences do not connect well, so the main point is not always easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an opening, body paragraphs, and an ending.
task response
You try to discuss both the good side and the bad side of giving money.
task response
You give examples from real life, such as parents giving money and children spending it fast.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • budget
  • save
  • informed spending decisions
  • personal preferences
  • practical and efficient
  • unwanted or inappropriate gifts
  • impersonal
  • emotional value
  • thoughtfulness
  • personal consideration
  • wise financial decisions
  • frivolously
  • lasting memories and experiences
  • educational courses
  • hobby-related equipment
  • long-lasting positive impact
  • fostering interests and skills
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