IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?

In the modern era, the
internet
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important basic needs in
people
Use synonyms
's daily lives. There are some notable reasons why most
countries
Use synonyms
 invest more
money
Use synonyms
 to improve their
internet
Use synonyms
 connection.
Although
Linking Words
 there are other sectors that should receive more priority, the reasons are outlined below. On the one hand, there are many reasons why the state invests more
money
Use synonyms
 in developing the
internet
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, in developing
countries
Use synonyms
, most
people
Use synonyms
 in the countryside and rural areas suffer from poor
internet
Use synonyms
 connections;
as a result
Linking Words
, they are not as progressive
compared to
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 the urban community.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 invests more
money
Use synonyms
 to develop
internet
Use synonyms
 connections, it will not only lead to technological development but
also
Linking Words
 improve the communication system.
In addition
Linking Words
, by using the
internet
Use synonyms
, citizens of a
country
Use synonyms
 gain more knowledge, which helps them develop cognitive skills
as well as
Linking Words
 provides opportunities for remote work in foreign
countries
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, most wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 have better and more stable
internet
Use synonyms
 connections, which results in more digitally skilled citizens. So, improving the
internet
Use synonyms
 sector can enlighten a whole nation if
people
Use synonyms
 make better use of it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, within a
country
Use synonyms
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some other sectors that should get more priority for investment,
such
Linking Words
 as health and public transportation systems. Most
people
Use synonyms
 in poor
countries
Use synonyms
 suffer from poverty. So, in
this
Linking Words
 condition, the health sector should get more priority than the
internet
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 invests and takes some notable steps,
such
Linking Words
 as offering cheap medical fees for
marginalized
Change the spelling
marginalised
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 citizens will definitely receive better health services.
In addition
Linking Words
, in some
countries
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to waste most of their time during traffic jams.
For instance
Linking Words
, to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest more
money
Use synonyms
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 the public transportation system and
also
Linking Words
 in road infrastructure development. In conclusion, it can be said that investing more
money
Use synonyms
 in developing the
internet
Use synonyms
 mostly depends on the conditions of other sectors in a
country
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should create a well-balanced budget
according to
Linking Words
 the
overall
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
's structure and position.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more directly. You explain why governments spend money on internet access well, but your opinion about whether it is the best use of money should be clearer and stronger in each body part.
task response
Add more exact support for your ideas. Some examples are general, so use one more clear and real case to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your main idea of each paragraph very clear from the first sentence. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. You use good words like 'for example' and 'in addition', but some sentences can connect more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad ideas like 'develop the internet' many times. Use a more exact focus in each sentence so the paragraph feels tighter.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear overall view in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps the reader understand your points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: