IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should pay for university education. Others, however, believe that students should pay for it themselves as it benefits the individuals more than the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's era, a vast majority of
students
Use synonyms
 are willing to pay their own
fees
Use synonyms
 for college.
However
Linking Words
, the rising
Use synonyms
tuition
Correct word order
university tuition fees
show examples
fees
Use synonyms
 from university have skyrocketed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is a conversation between the stakeholders
providing
Change preposition
about providing
show examples
 undergraduates
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
fees
Use synonyms
 and scholarships, or if
students
Use synonyms
 should
further
Linking Words
 financially
support
Use synonyms
 themselves for
education
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.  From my point of view, the government should pay an amount of
education
Use synonyms
fees
Use synonyms
 for learners to
support
Use synonyms
 their
education
Use synonyms
. There are a few reasons to
support
Use synonyms
 my views.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, among the rising
tuition
Use synonyms
fees
Use synonyms
, a wide portion of
students
Use synonyms
 cannot
support
Use synonyms
 themselves for higher
education
Use synonyms
.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
 some
undeveloped
Correct word choice
underdeveloped
show examples
 countries, most of the citizens did not receive a higher
education
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, their technology or development
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not well-prepared; because of the lack of
education
Use synonyms
, economic benefit status can be shown as low by these countries. 
By contrast
Linking Words
, in well-developed countries,
such
Linking Words
 as the United Kingdom, Canada, and the United States, they offer a large amount of scholarships or
fees
Use synonyms
 for their locals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a higher
education
Use synonyms
 provides
students
Use synonyms
 with advanced skills or knowledge;
hence
Linking Words
, it will cultivate highly educated graduates. As a large
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of high-skilled people work for the country, the advanced technology and economy can be more developed. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the educational
fees
Use synonyms
 should be paid by
students
Use synonyms
. I am convinced that if learners want to achieve more advanced knowledge or skills, they should pay their own
tuition
Use synonyms
fees
Use synonyms
. It is believed that if the stakeholders
support
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 for their
education
Use synonyms
, some undergraduates may not study seriously. That causes a waste of money or scholarships from the government.
Also
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
 are willing to pay their own
fees
Use synonyms
,
individuals
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 sense the responsibility and motivation for learning. 
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is
convinced
Correct word choice
clear
show examples
 that the government should pay
tuition
Use synonyms
fees
Use synonyms
 for learners; it could boost the economy
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 skills for the country by cultivating more highly educated experts. Despite the merits,
students
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 seize the opportunity to learn.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You give both views, but the side about students paying needs a little more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Your view is there, but some lines sound unsure.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start each paragraph with one simple point, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Add more clear links between ideas. Words like 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'as a result' can help.
task response
Support points with one clear example. The country examples are useful, but explain them more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid ideas that are hard to follow. Keep each sentence short and focused on one meaning.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples of countries to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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