IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of people who smoked cigarettes in the UK between 2011 and 2021. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. AIDA

The bar chart shows the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
cigarettes
Check wording
cigarette
show examples
 smokers by gender from 2011 to 2021.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of males
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 always higher than
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
show examples
 of females over
all
Correct determiner usage
the entire
show examples
 period. The figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both
genders
Use synonyms
 were the highest in 2011 and the lowest in 2021. Looking at the details, about 4
million
Use synonyms
 men and more than 3.5
million
Use synonyms
 women smoked in 2011
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these were the highest
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the 10 years. In 2021, the numbers decreased significantly in both
genders
Use synonyms
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 a little bit more than 1
million
Use synonyms
 for men and roughly 0.8
million
Use synonyms
 for women
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 which were about
quarters
Check wording
a quarter
show examples
 of those in 2011. Between 2012 and
2019
Punctuation problem
2019,
show examples
 both
genders
Use synonyms
 showed up and down trends, and started to decline from 2019 to 2021.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it was noticeable
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 figures of men were higher than those of women in all years. The gaps between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
genders
Use synonyms
 were relatively wider from 2013 to 2019.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words genders, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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