IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Leaders of democracy
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a certain charm about them as their private
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 have mostly been a secret to the world.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue for two main reasons that their personal
life
Use synonyms
 should be published. First and foremost,
politicians
Use synonyms
 can remain in check when their private
life
Use synonyms
 is not censored. When their private
life
Use synonyms
 will be published, the chance of them
involved
Verb problem
being involved
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 in a back stage scandals will be less likely.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
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the freedom to do whatever they want behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
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closed doors often leads to many scams.
For instance
Linking Words
, many times we hear
politicians
Use synonyms
 were involved in scams, and now
are
Correct pronoun usage
they are
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 not in office.
Thus
Linking Words
, by making their private
life
Use synonyms
public
Punctuation problem
public,
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 we can probably reduce
frauds
Check wording
fraud
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 as they will fear that
now
Rephrase
apply
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nothing is private.
As a result
Linking Words
, by publishing the private
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
politicians
Punctuation problem
politicians,
show examples
 we can push them to live a
more clean
Replace the word
cleaner
life
Use synonyms
. Another reason is
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 age of
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
show examples
 people accept
politicans
Correct your spelling
politicians
 to be transparent. With everything nowadays one click away
citizens
Punctuation problem
, citizens
show examples
 will not accept their leader to be secretive. The right to information demands
public
Correct word choice
that public
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 figures
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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be more open, especially
politicians
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I concede that private
life
Use synonyms
 is different,
this
Linking Words
 is what youth wants to know
parties
Change preposition
about
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 any new relationship.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 makes
politicians
Use synonyms
 famous and in trend if they share their private moments. Not just
gossips
Check wording
gossip
show examples
, it
also
Linking Words
 creates trust in people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they feel more connected to their leaders. In conclusion,
Not
Fix capitalization
not
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 only will it deter
politicans to do fraudulent activities, but
Correct word order
politicians from doing fraudulent activities, but it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens to know their president.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I would disagree with the fact that
politicans
Check wording
politicians'
show examples
 private
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 should not be published
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 newspapers.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Give one strong and real example to support each main point.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully, not only state them.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so ideas connect in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph and do not add off-topic points.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word use so the reader can follow your meaning easily.
task response
You answer the question and show a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraphing and some linking words.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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