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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020,withpredictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020,withpredictions for 2030 and 2040.
The line chart illustrates the proportion of the population in four different countries residing in urban
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
 over a 50-year period between 1970
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020, with predictions in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia all experienced a consistent upward
trend
Use synonyms
 over the past 50
years
Use synonyms
 and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 projected to continue an increasing
trend
Use synonyms
 by 2040,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 showed a fluctuation during
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 50
years
Use synonyms
, predicted to rise by 2040. In detail, the
fout
Use the right word
four
show examples
 countries all
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 in 1970 and 1990. With the highest percentage(around 32%)
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was almost 3 times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that of the lowest country(Indonesia, about 12%) at the beginning, the number of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 increased slowly by 1980,
follwed
Correct your spelling
followed
 by a significant
increase
Use synonyms
 to its peak at approximately 49% in 1990. 
However
Linking Words
, the figure for Indonesia
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 significantly from 1990 to 2020, overtaking that for Thailand and Phillippines in 2000 and 2010. The same
trend
Use synonyms
 could be seen in Malaysia, which is predicted to keep the increasing
trend
Use synonyms
 over
future
Correct word choice
the next
show examples
 20
years
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
 reach its peak at around 85% in 2040.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, the number of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 declined moderately during 1990 and 2010 but
then
Linking Words
 was predicted to
increase
Use synonyms
 by 2040. Though the figure for Thailand is predicted to
increase
Use synonyms
 over 70
years
Use synonyms
, it is the lowest
unmber
Correct your spelling
number
 by 2040(about 45%).

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, years, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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