IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some companies sponsor stars and sport players as way to advertise for themselves. Some people think that it is good, while others think that there are more disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many corporations sponsor stars and
sport
Check wording
sports
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 players as
path
Correct article usage
a path
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 to making advertisements for themselves.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 some audiences assume that there are many disadvantages
like
Change preposition
, such as
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 if the star or
sport
Check wording
sports
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 players
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a bad scandal, the
companies
Check wording
company's
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 image can drop quickly,
also
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this
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 type of advertising can create false statements, especially for youngsters, who may copy famous individuals without any doubts. But I believe that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
commercials
Fix the agreement mistake
commercial
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 can be good because popular
people
Use synonyms
 have a large audience, so ads can reach up to millions of
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think the advantages surpasses disadvantages
on
Change preposition
of
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 these
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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 of campaigns
due to
Linking Words
widely
Correct article usage
the widely
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 known
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
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 huge audience.
For example
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, a shampoo brand
played
Verb problem
featured
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 famous footballer cristiano ronaldo on their advert and the brands sells rosed sharply.
In addition
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, these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of campaigns that have
sport
Check wording
sports
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 players in
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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 can
be an
Verb problem
apply
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influence
people
Use synonyms
 to do sports and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 fitter.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many members of the society believe that
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 commercials have some disadvantages
on it
Change preposition
apply
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because companies
spend
Remove the redundancy
apply
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spend very large amounts of money to get the celebrities, and
this
Linking Words
 money
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 products more expensive for buyers
, many
Punctuation problem
. Many
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 consumers buy things because of the star, not because of
real
Correct article usage
the real
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 quality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the star has a bad controversy, the business image can be affected badly
due to
Linking Words
stars
Check wording
the star's
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 past affairs. In conclusion, even though celebrities can
effect
Use the right word
affect
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 the
firms
Check wording
firm's
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 image
bad
Rephrase
badly
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, I assume that the advantages are slightly more
due to
Linking Words
stars
Check wording
stars'
show examples
 influence and their enormous fanbase.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You show both views, but each side needs a bit more clear support.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and keep it clear in the body.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then add one reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some long sentences join too many ideas, so the meaning is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear pronouns and nouns. For example, repeat companies or celebrities when this or it is not clear.
task response
You answered the full question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used a relevant example about a famous football player.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphing is clear and easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsor = give money to support something
  • celebrity = a famous person
  • brand image = the way people see a company
  • trust = believe that someone or something is good
  • influence = power to change people’s ideas or actions
  • audience = the people who watch or listen
  • promote = help sell or support something
  • scandal = bad public event or shocking news
  • consumer = a person who buys things
  • quality = how good something is
  • competitive market = a market with many strong sellers
  • role model = a person others want to copy
  • emotional buying = buying because of feelings, not need
  • public attention = interest from many people
  • match the product = fit the product well
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