It is argued that the non academic subjects such as physical education, cookery and home science should not be taught at school and the sole focus should be on academic subjects considering the growing burden on children's mind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s world, it is commonly argued that educational institutions must mainly focus on academic subjects rather than teaching physical education, cookery and home science. I completely disagree with
this
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statement.
Firstly
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, in
this
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modern world, there are
a
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apply
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many
kind
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kinds
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of ways to get successful rather than
get
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getting
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successful in what we studied.
In addition
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, pioneers
needs
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need
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to practice physical activities
such
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as sports, gym etc for their mental and physical health.
Moreover
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, kids who
is
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are
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participating in any sports competition for their school can benefit in more ways.
For instance
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, a news report from India Today says that a kid from
US
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the US
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Atlantic school passed all the exams only because of grace points which he received by playing for the school hockey team.
Secondly
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, children should learn how to cook for themselves. In
this
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technological era, most of the teens
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,
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rather than
learn
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learning
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they
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they,
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try to buy food online. On top of that, the academic institutions should add
mandatory
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a mandatory
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cooking subject in their curriculum, so that it will
also
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enhance their survival
skill
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skills
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and
also
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their entrepreneurial ideas.
For example
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, the survey report suggests that 70% of the successful food trucks are owned by youth all around the US States contributing to the advancement of
the
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apply
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society.
To conclude
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, it is best to teach
non-academics
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non-academic
subjects rather than teaching academic topics
helping
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, helping
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carve their future.
Therefore
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, I
am
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apply
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completely
disagreeing
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disagree
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with
this
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notion and firmly believe that pioneers should learn every
academics
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academic
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and non-academic
subjects
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subject
show examples
for their better future.

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task response
Answer the full question in a more direct way. You say you disagree, but you should explain more clearly why school should keep both academic and non-academic subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas easier to follow. Put one clear idea in each paragraph, then explain it step by step.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more closely linked to your main point. Some examples in your essay are not fully clear or may sound weak.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion, but do not overuse them.
task response
Develop each main point more. Tell the reader how sports, cookery, and home science help children in school and later life.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same side in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas, which is a good habit in IELTS writing.
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