IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that scientists experimenting with animal in a laboratory is the only way we can guarantee new products will be safe for Human's life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Developing the latest products that
applicable
Verb problem
are applicable
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for life
Change preposition
to
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 human
being
Check wording
beings
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 is actually
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 approach, even though it uses
animal
Check wording
animals
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 as object experiments. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion,
while
Linking Words
 it is still important to consider the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 using
animal
Check wording
animals
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, including the
potentially
Replace the word
possibility
 of
extinction
Use synonyms
 and the purpose of the
experimental
Replace the word
experiment
 itself.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, inventing a new product laboratory will be
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
 for human life, particularly when it
related
Verb problem
is related
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health purposes,
for example
Linking Words
finding
Punctuation problem
, finding
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 cure of particular disease. Choosing the animal, like mice, is obviously a common
experimental
Replace the word
experiment
 in medicine laboratory,
due to
Linking Words
 the
similar
Replace the word
similarity
 of
chromosoms
Correct your spelling
chromosomes
 with
human
Check wording
humans
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.
For example
Linking Words
, by using mice as
a
Correct article usage
an
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 experimental object, we are able to know the behaviour of rising blood sugar after eating specific food.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour will be an advantage to develop the specific medicine without frequently testing in
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 body
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 might be
quietly
Rephrase
quite
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 dangerous.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays, the experimental object is not only using mice, but
somehow
Correct word choice
also
show examples
 using
the animal
Check wording
animals
show examples
 that
potentially
Verb problem
are potentially
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
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extinct in the future.
This
Linking Words
 is obviously a notable problem, even though the extinct animal might has the similar DNA and chromosoms with human.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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 issues happened on a certain species of monkey,
expecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 previous pandemic COVID-19.
While
Linking Words
 it has
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 function
as human
Change preposition
to humans
show examples
,
exploitating
Correct your spelling
exploiting
 the monkey will potentially
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 obviously violates the global law, which we have to protect
the animal
Check wording
animals
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction
Use synonyms
. If we broke the law, our generation
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not be able to see the various species of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
. In conclusion, despite experimenting with
animal
Check wording
animals
show examples
 in
laboratory
Correct article usage
a laboratory
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 essential to develop new
product
Check wording
products
show examples
 that will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human life, considering the species of the animal is still important, especially when the animal
has a
Verb problem
is at
show examples
 risk of
extinction
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say more clearly how far you agree or disagree, and keep this same line all through the essay.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they need one more clear reason or result to fully explain them.
task response
Use examples in a more exact way. Your examples help, but some parts are too general and need a bit more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Some sentences connect well, but others feel sudden or not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of body paragraphs. This helps the reader know your point right away.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and show your own view.
task response
You give examples about mice and monkeys, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Basic paragraphing is good, so the essay is easy to follow most of the time.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Animal testing
  • Laboratory experiments
  • Safety and efficacy
  • Ethical concerns
  • Moral responsibility
  • In vitro testing
  • Computer modeling
  • Human reactions
  • Dependence on animals
  • Humane treatment
  • 3Rs principle (Replacement, Reduction, Refinement)
  • Reliable method
  • Innovative methods
  • Sustainable research practices
  • Animal experimentation
  • Data crucial
What to do next:
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