IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

The bar chart provides key information regarding the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
Samsung
Use synonyms
, Apple, Nokia, LG, and ZTE between 2009 and 2013. The units are measured in millions.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that ZTE
Use synonyms
sales
Check wording
apply
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had the most modest
sales
Use synonyms
 over the period compared with the other top brands.
In addition
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,
Samsung
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 experienced a substantial jump over time,
whereas
Linking Words
 Nokia saw a significant decline.
According to
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 what is illustrated, in 2009
Samsung
Use synonyms
 had almost 250
million
Use synonyms
sales
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,
then
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 it witnessed a slight increase to around 320
million
Use synonyms
 by 2011.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Samsung
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 experienced a considerable growth to reach approximately 450
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013, which was the highest number of
sales
Use synonyms
 in the graph. Regarding Apple
sales
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, in
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
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 Apple had the smallest figure of
sales
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 with around 20
million
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. After that, its
sales
Use synonyms
 soared to nearly 90
million
Use synonyms
 by 2011.
Then
Linking Words
 it saw a slight increase to almost 150
million
Use synonyms
. In terms of Nokia, in
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 it had the predominant number of
sales
Use synonyms
 at that time with nearly 440
million
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.
Then
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 it had a slight decline of almost 15
million
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 by 2011. Meanwhile, in
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 its
sales
Use synonyms
 dropped to around 250
million
Use synonyms
. In
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 LG
sales
Use synonyms
 had nearly 120
million
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,
then
Linking Words
 it witnessed a slight decrease in 2011
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 up around 90
million
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. In
2013
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2013,
show examples
 LG
sales
Use synonyms
 saw a moderate decline
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 80
million
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. Regarding ZTE
sales
Use synonyms
, in
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 it had around 50
million
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sales
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.
Then
Linking Words
 the number increased slightly to approximately 55
million
Use synonyms
 by 2011.
Finally
Linking Words
, in
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 its
sales
Use synonyms
 continued to increase to reach almost 60
million
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, samsung, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 5 times.
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