IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air-force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The topic is that some people believe that
females
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to be a part of the armed
forces
Use synonyms
 USE SYNONYMS It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score. , including the army, the navy and the air force, similar male. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because nowadays there are many cases study which show that
females
Use synonyms
 have enough abilities to join the armed
forces
Use synonyms
. One of the main reasons is that
women
Use synonyms
 have the same level of ability as
men
Use synonyms
 because they can prove that sexual identity is not a limitation for them to perform like
men
Use synonyms
. In terms of advanced learning,
females
Use synonyms
 have good performance in education ,
such
Linking Words
 as the recent an internatational mathematics competition conducted by China in 2023 , which reported that the winner of the contest was a Chinese woman who could overcome other
men
Use synonyms
 compettitors.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in terms of decision making skill.
Women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have good decision-making
as well as
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 , especially in high work load condition.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays, many air
forces
Use synonyms
 in each country are recruiting female pilots because they trust in
women
Use synonyms
's capabilities. These real cases study show that
women
Use synonyms
 are good enough to join the armed
forces
Use synonyms
. Another reason to support my view is that,
although
Linking Words
 sometimes
women
Use synonyms
 are concerned about their physical limitations, the most significant entry requirements for joining the armed
forces
Use synonyms
 are physical performances
such
Linking Words
 as running and swimming .
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 concern is the main issue not allowing
women
Use synonyms
. Currently,
women
Use synonyms
 can prove that they are as strong as
men
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the U.S. wing commander of F-35 fleets are
women
Use synonyms
 who has a call sign , Mach. She could overcome a G-Force of about 9.0G that higher than
other
Correct pronoun usage
what other
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 could tolerate.
This
Linking Words
 example shows that
women
Use synonyms
 can overcome these physical limitations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they should not be concerned. In conclusion, the armed
forces
Use synonyms
 should allow
females
Use synonyms
 to
make
Verb problem
apply to
show examples
 the armed
forces
Use synonyms
application
Check wording
apply
show examples
because
they
Fix capitalization
They
show examples
 are good at learning and decission
also
Linking Words
 have good p

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say if you fully agree or partly agree, and keep this clear in all parts.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some ideas are good, but they need simpler and fuller explanation.
task response
Use examples that fit your point well and explain them more. Do not only name a case; show why it helps your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start and body, but the end is not finished. Write a full conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences do not connect well, so the flow feels weak.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and support it step by step.
task response
You clearly show your opinion from the start.
task response
You use two main reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has basic paragraphing with an introduction and two body parts.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used, like 'One of the main reasons' and 'Another reason'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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