IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today, more people are overweight that ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main solutions of this?

In today's society, obesity has become an increasingly urgent concern.
This
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 essay will examine the primary causes of
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 problem and propose feasible strategies to address the issue effectively. One of the principal causes of rising obesity rates is the widespread adoption of poor diets.
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 can be attributed to the fact that many people consume unhealthy processed foods or eat fast food from McDonald's and KFC,
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 sugary drinks and snacks. Another compelling factor is to live a sedentary lifestyle with few physical activities. A majority of people are busy with their work, or spend most of their time working or studying.
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, they rarely have time for a workout when working as a full-time employee. The prolongation of
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 habit directly affects the growth of the corpulent rate affect directly to residents’ quality of life. To address
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 growing issue, it is essential that governments and organisations take decisive action by imposing high taxes at fast- food chains. It is recommended that
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 approach be prioritised because the mandatory taxes will cause a significant reduction in quick-service restaurants, which limits access to high-calorie meals. Another visible suggestion is that the combination of physical education and academic fields should be implemented at school by the authorities. It would be highly beneficial to adopt
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 strategy because it is extremely vital for students to cultivate workout habits that can serve as a crucial role in creating a healthy life and maintaining mental well-being. In conclusion, all things considered, fatness remains a complex and multifaceted challenge that demands immediate attention.
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 the prevalence of commercial food chains and unhealthy habits is identified as the key driving factor. Thereby, high taxes and applying outdoor activities to education can represent meaningful and actionable steps that can help mitigate
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 challenge significantly.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly what the main causes are and what the main solutions are.
task response
Use simpler and clearer ideas. Some lines are hard to understand because of wrong word use.
task response
Add one short real example for each main point to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one main idea only, and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'because', 'so', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few sentences are too long or not natural, so they break the reading.
task response
You answered both causes and solutions, so the essay fits the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and present.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear 4-paragraph shape, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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