IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

In recent years, many
people
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 have paid increasing attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childcare
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 in society. Some
people
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 argued that all
parents
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 should be
necessary
Correct word choice
required
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 to take
childcare
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 training sessions. From my perspective, taking the compulsory
childcare
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 lectures
takes the
Verb problem
plays a
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 significant role
for the
Change preposition
in raising
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 awareness of caring for
children
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.
This
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 article provides three reasons why receiving the
childcare
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 lectures is beneficial for many
people
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 who are
parents
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, including helping
parents
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 raise
children
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 effectively and building
Correct article usage
a
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strong bond between
parents
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 and
children
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. The first reason is that compulsory
childcare
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 training sessions enable
parents
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 to raise their
children
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 wisely.
In particular
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, many
parents
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 feel stressed and desperate because they face unexpected challenges when raising their
children
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. If they receive some
childcare
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lessons
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, they can understand
children
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's
behaviors
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behaviours
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 based on what they
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
, and predict what their
children
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 will do to prevent some situations where
children
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 get serious injuries.
However
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, if they don't take any training
lessons
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 which are related to
childcare
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,
parents
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 will easily feel panic
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they won't know how to treat their
children
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. Owing to
this
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 reason, the
childcare
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 training not only enables
parents
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 to think deeply about how to raise their
children
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 effectively. The second reason is that taking
childcare
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 training
lessons
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 ensures to building a strong relationship between
parents
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 and
children
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. Particularly, many
parents
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 experienced their childhood, but they have no experience in raising
children
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 before.
Due to
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this
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 experience, it makes
parents
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 feel difficult to understand their
children
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. If they learn some
childcare
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 training
lessons
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 about
psychology
Correct article usage
the psychology
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 and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
children
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, they will easily understand
children
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's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and treat them kindly
instead
Linking Words
 of swearing at
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
children
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.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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childcare
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 training
lessons
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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parents
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 broaden their understanding
but
Correct word choice
and
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also
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 comprehend
children
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's thoughts.
As a result
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, it enables
parents
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 to establish a strong and reliable relationship. In conclusion, the most appropriate way to increase the awareness of
the
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apply
show examples
childcare
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 for many
people
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 is to help
parents
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 take some compulsory
childcare
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 training
lessons
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. Owing to
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
lessons
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,
parents
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 will be able to raise their
children
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 wisely but
also
Linking Words
 build the strongest and most reliable relationship between them.
Therefore
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,
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this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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taking
lessons
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 for many
parents
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 is not only useful but
also
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 enables them to broaden their understanding.

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task response
Give a more direct answer to the question. Say clearly if you fully agree or only partly agree.
task response
Add one short real example in each body part to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need deeper support.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are too long or not complete. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, because, and as a result.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main idea is easy to see: training can help parents and children.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs stay on the main topic most of the time.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • care
  • children
  • society
  • important
  • parents
  • training
  • skills
  • understand
  • needs
  • situations
  • behavior
  • safety
  • relationship
  • trust
  • love
  • outcomes
  • healthy
  • successful
  • future
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