IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that to lead a successful life, a university degree is important. Others believe that this is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In our
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 era, some people hold the view that a
degree
Use synonyms
 is essential in terms of a successful life. Other folks believe that our
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 generation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 other different ways and forms to become successful. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to discuss both views and express my opinion. On one hand, people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that a
degree
Use synonyms
 is important are conscious that having it is required in specific domains only
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
medicin
Correct your spelling
medicine
, engineering, law and so on.
For instance
Linking Words
, to become a doctor it is crucial to study
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major in a university and
get graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 from that university. Thereby, it has been reported in the media that it is impossible to join these fields without a
degree
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other individuals believe that our new generation could become successful without a
degree
Use synonyms
 nowadays. To illustrate, they often open projects, brands and businesses that require their persistence, endurance, diligence, perseverance and determination in terms of success.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of business owners depend on their own
knowledage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and personal experience
instead
Linking Words
 of a
degree
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
university
Fix capitalization
University
show examples
 of Oxford has reported that it is commonly wide for the number of people
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I personally tend to believe that having a
degree
Use synonyms
 is very essential if you want to become a doctor or to be confined
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some
specifc
Correct your spelling
specific
 fields.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that a
degree
Use synonyms
 is not required at all in our
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 world if you want to become a business owner.

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coherence cohesion
Write your ideas in a more direct way. Some lines are hard to follow because the grammar changes the meaning.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader see the main point fast.
coherence cohesion
Add stronger support for each main idea. Your examples are good, but some need more detail.
task achievement
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You discuss both views and give your opinion, but your opinion could be clearer from the start.
task achievement
Make your ideas more complete. Explain why a degree matters for some jobs and why it may not matter for business.
task achievement
Use examples that feel more exact and natural. Some examples sound too general or not fully true.
task achievement
You discuss both sides of the topic.
task achievement
You give your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You use linking words like 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'Therefore'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • benchmark
  • evolving landscape
  • credential
  • vocational training
  • entrepreneurship
  • digital literacy
  • autodidact
  • innovative approaches
  • skill set
  • networking
  • lifelong learning
  • meritocracy
  • practical experience
  • self-taught
  • upskilling
  • resilience
  • adaptive learning
  • critical thinking
  • soft skills
  • technological advancements
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