IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children have to live at different places during their childhood because of transferable jobs from their parents. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in different places in childhood on child development?a

A massive population of kids reside in different
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
 or
county
Fix the agreement mistake
counties
show examples
 during their
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
 because of their
main families
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 occupations
, there
Punctuation problem
. There
show examples
 are many
net postitive
Correct your spelling
negative
 and negatives to
this
Linking Words
 as a whole for them when growing up in different places. The main advantages of kids growing up
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
different place
as
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 where they were born
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that they will see a different perspective than what others will grow up in,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to them learning
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new perspective in life and or
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a chance to experience a multitude of new things.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 will lead to them having
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 edge on others
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 what aspect.
On other
Change preposition
From another
show examples
perspective
Punctuation problem
perspective,
show examples
 if the kid is being sent abroad and to a new country
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 chances of them learning the language and customs of the new country will be a new
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 in their life
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 these things are
privilages
Correct your spelling
privileges
 that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 with being able to travel during their
childhoods
Check wording
childhood
show examples
. But one of the major disadvantages of a child being dragged around different places will be the social aspect of their growth,
this
Linking Words
 will cause them not to make long term friendships and will rob them of having a social groups of their age catagories,
this
Linking Words
 will lead to them to develop either hyperdependency and or self isolation, and if the kid is being dragged to another country social blocks
such
Linking Words
 as language barriors can lead to more isolation, or in worset cases can lead to them being shunned from the groups because of that.
in conclution
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and being sent to different places in a childs up bringing can lead to positives and negatives of every aspect of their lives and can lead to any
out come, it
Punctuation problem
outcome. It
show examples
 will be dependent
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their luck and their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
 to
medigate
Correct your spelling
mitigate
 some of the negatives and
flurish
Correct your spelling
flourish
 the positives

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but some ideas are too short.
task response
Add one clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or not fully clear.
task response
You answer the main question and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Some main ideas are relevant, such as learning new cultures and problems with friendship.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: