IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Famous people, like actors or
sport
Check wording
sports
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 stars, face many difficulties but
also
Linking Words
 benefits. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
, there are more drawbacks
being
Change preposition
to being
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 a well-known personality. They don´t really enjoy any privacy when they´re in public
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 many were judged on every single action or even everything they said. To be famous means that everyone on the street
recognize
Change the verb form
recognises
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 you and probably your family. So there are many difficulties
unknown
Correct pronoun usage
that unknown
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 individuals normally won´t even think about. Sometimes there are photographers camping next to your house, just to take a photo of who is visiting you, or
wait
Wrong verb form
waiting
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 to follow you for the entire day. In
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
situation,
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 you can´t have a normal life
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 your work.
For instance
Linking Words
, it would be impossible to have a day with your family at the local
theme-park
Correct your spelling
theme park
, because you would´ve been surrounded by fans and photographers. Having less privacy means
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 everything you do will be related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your work as an actor or professional sports personality. They always have to care about being socially compatible, don´t talk
political
Rephrase
politically
show examples
 incorrect or just their actions
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 simply
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 too drunk
on
Change preposition
at
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 a party, could face critical work-related consequences.
For example
Linking Words
, Xavier Naidoo was a famous singer
-
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and songwriter from Germany. During
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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pandemic
Punctuation problem
pandemic,
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 he just
state
Wrong verb form
stated
show examples
 his
opinion
Use synonyms
 about COVID19 measurements, because his
opinion
Use synonyms
 was unlikely for the media, it resulted in being banned from
tv-shows
Correct your spelling
TV shows
 and
canceled
Change the spelling
cancelled
show examples
 concerts. Now he
just
Verb problem
has just
show examples
 vanished from the media.
To conclude
Linking Words
, to become a world-famous actor or actress is still a dream for many people.
However
Linking Words
, there are several drawbacks, like giving up a majority of privacy and being accountable for everything they do in public. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
, there are more negative aspects
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being famous.

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task response
Give a more direct answer in the first paragraph. Say clearly that fame brings more problems than benefits.
task response
Add one short point about benefits, then explain why problems are still greater. This makes your answer more complete.
task response
Explain your ideas with clearer sentences. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice.
coherence cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'As a result'.
coherence cohesion
Check reference words like 'they' and 'it' so the reader always knows who or what you mean.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You use examples to support your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
What to do next:
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