IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

There is no doubt that these days
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 some countries the workers spend most of the day at work.The question is there any side effect ? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I'm going to write about some
of the
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apply
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of the positive and negative sides of,
also
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 about my opinion. In terms of the disadvantages in Japan and
Korea
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Korea,
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 they recored a highest hours for most of the jobs.The main reasons
going to support
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supporting
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this
Linking Words
 claim
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 that
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 half of the day
work
Verb problem
to work
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even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 at
the house
Check wording
home
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with
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, with
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 less time to rest or sleep , or even
take
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taking
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 a break
it
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,
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 could turn the job
to
Change preposition
into
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 another level. To illustrate
the
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, the
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emploeyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 could feel more stress with bad results in their
works
Check wording
work
show examples
.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 in some companies the young
adult
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adults
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 start to
depression
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experience depression
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 , because of
the
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apply
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overthinking.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 they can't find time for their families , friends , and even for
there selfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Linking Words
Further
Add a comma
Further,
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 the worst thing could
happen
Punctuation problem
happen,
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 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 some emploeeies came to sucied, in South
Korea
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Korea,
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 there are more than 5 % of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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workers
died
Wrong verb form
die
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 in
only
Rephrase
just
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 one year ,
due
Correct word choice
because
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 they are scared to spend their life without
paid
Correct article usage
a paid
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 job after
long
Correct word choice
apply
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years of study and
educated
Replace the word
education
.
On the
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contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
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 some
of the adult
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adults
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 believe that life
does
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is
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 not worth it
, in
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. In
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 other
countries
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countries,
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the avrages of
Check wording
apply
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the
work
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average work
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 hours are less
but
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, but
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 with more results and positive effects.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 the government play a huge role in the companies they can put a new
roll
Use the right word
role
show examples
 for them to
safe
Use the right word
save
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 the new generation. Some places can control the workers
bec
Correct your spelling
because
 of the high positions and salaries. In conclusion , it is evident that the low could change if the nations
speaks
Correct subject-verb agreement
speak
show examples
 for their rights. From my
view
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
point
Add a comma
point,
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 there
is
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are
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 many
sulition
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to solve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems , like in Saudi
Arabia
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Arabia,
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 the time for the schools ,
thatchers
Correct your spelling
teachers
, private stores , and companies are the same
and
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, and
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 there is a fine if they take more times

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: say why people work long hours, and say if this is good or bad.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea easy to see in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear topic for each paragraph.
task response
Add simple reasons and short examples to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, because, however, and in conclusion.
task response
You wrote about both good and bad sides.
task response
You gave real country examples like Japan, Korea, and Saudi Arabia.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
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