IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Technology has made man more social or less social Discuss both views and give opinion

In today's rapidly changing world, the issue
on
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of
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technology
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 has sparked debate.
While
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 some individuals argue that it has made
people
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 more social, others assert the opposite
aspect
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apply
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.
Although
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 both views have reasonable arguments , I personally think that it made
people
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lake
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lack
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 physical social opportunities. On the one hand, it
becoming
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is becoming
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increasingly
Correct article usage
an increasingly
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 common trend
in
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among
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people
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socialized
Change the spelling
socialised
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 on social media. One of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
,
people
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 can follow their friends and "
stranger
Fix the agreement mistake
strangers
show examples
" easily, and
also
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 text them
imediately
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immediately
. The second reason is more privacy, which
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people
Verb problem
allows people
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can
Wrong verb form
to
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 stay
on
Change preposition
in
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 their comfort zone and share what they want to display. If the
phsical
Correct your spelling
physical
 situation,
people
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 can not cover
their
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apply
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everything.
For example
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, nowadays young
people
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 tend to" hang out " with friend in the internet
, during
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. While
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 playing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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video
game
Check wording
games
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, they can chat with each other and
know
Verb problem
get to know
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 each other
, it
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. It
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 is really
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
 to connect their
socialization
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socialisation
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe
technology
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 has made
people
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 less social.
Firstly
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, many
individauls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 believe
web based socialization
Correct your spelling
web-based socialisation
 is not real
,
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;
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people
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 behind the internet and
face to face
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face-to-face
 are totally different
,
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. People
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people
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 can know each other by communication,
touched
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touch,
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 or activities, but
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 friends on social media somtimes are not real
peronality
Correct your spelling
personality
.
Secondly
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, more and more
people
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becoming
Verb problem
are becoming
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 not good at social
in
Check wording
skills in
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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real life, someone even
afriad
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of .
For instance
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, some young generation perfer text the message rather than
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 a phone call, because they feel
embarrasing
Correct your spelling
embarrassed
 when
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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talking to the other person. In conclusion,
technology
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 has made communication more convenient and accessible, allowing
people
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 to connect more easily.
However
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, it may reduce
real life
Correct your spelling
real-life
 social interpersonal skills.
Form
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From
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 my perspective,
although
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technology
Use synonyms
 increases social connections, it
also
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 makes
people
Use synonyms
 less socially active in real life.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but some parts are too short.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Your view is there, but some lines are hard to follow.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in one clear paragraph. Some sentences are not easy to connect.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because unclear sentences make your meaning weak.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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