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Writing Samples
Band 4

The typical teaching situation of a teacher and students in the class will not exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that these days some big countries
focusing
Verb problem
are focusing
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of
Change preposition
on
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 using the new technologies in the jobs . The question is there any effect of using it in our
live
Replace the word
lives
? In
this
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essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 I'm going to write about some of the positive and negative sides ,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
as well as
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 my opinion. In terms of the
advantages
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advantages,
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 the world
now can
Correct word order
can now
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 use the technology to replace some
people
Check wording
people's
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 jobs .The main reason
going to support
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for supporting
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this
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 main claim is that some owners start to buy
a
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apply
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machines rather than open a store ,
for example
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 ;ike ice cream and smoothies machines. In additions not only
Chinna
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has Chinna
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start
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started
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 to
using
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use
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 the robots in their work
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also
Correct word choice
, but also
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 Dubai
does
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has
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.To illustrate
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
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 than depending on huge
machine
Check wording
machines
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 or regular
people
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people,
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 the robots could be more
essier
Correct your spelling
easier
 and faster.
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 replacing the teachers
to
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with
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 Robert's or AI to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
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 the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 had a negative
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
. Some of the disadvantages
studying
Change preposition
of studying
show examples
 online is not
working
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work
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 for all
the
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apply
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young people
which
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, which
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 could
effect on
Use the right word
affect
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 their degree
, their capable of understanding
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. Their ability to understand can also
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also
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 can change with
changeing
Correct your spelling
changing
 the place ,
some
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and some
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 prefer the old style.
In other
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words
Add a comma
words,
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 there
is
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are
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 some students
feel
Correct pronoun usage
who feel
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 lazy and sleepy if they work or study at home using the
online
Check wording
internet
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.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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 the workers will lose their jobs , teachers , factory workers , and
companies
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company
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 employees
it
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 will increase the
persentages
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percentages
 of the homeless. In
conclusin
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, it is evident that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 two sides of not
suding
Correct your spelling
studying
 in the class in the future.From my
view
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 the teachers
are
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apply
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play
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in out life and
especially
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, especially
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 for kids ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 need to learn by discovering and touching.
Honestly
Add a comma
Honestly,
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 I disagree with the idea of studying without class and desks.

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task response
Stay on the same topic all the way. The task is about teachers and students in class by 2050, but part of your essay talks about jobs in general.
task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if you agree, disagree, or agree only in part.
task response
Add one or two clear ideas for each main paragraph, and explain each idea more.
task response
Use examples that match the topic. Talk about school, class, online study, and teacher support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic order: intro, body, body, end. This is good, but the links between ideas are weak.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix jobs, robots, shops, and school in the same line of thought.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and full stops. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You give a clear final view: you disagree with the idea.
task response
You try to show both good and bad sides before your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like On the other hand and Lastly.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology advancements
  • virtual learning
  • online education
  • individualized learning
  • personalized learning
  • facilitative role
  • collaborative learning
  • evolve
  • adapt
  • social interaction
  • communication skills
  • teacher-student relationships
  • flexible learning
  • lifelong learning
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