Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than the threat of punishment. To what extend do you agree whith this statement and why?

Crime
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prevention is a major concern for many governments, who wants to be able to offer their citizens a safe and pleasant
life
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.
However
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, preventing
crime
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is a problematic and complicated task. Whilst both improving
conditions
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and punishment can be effective deterrents, showing that
crimes
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are punishable is still the most effective deterrent to date.
This
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essay will argue
this
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point by exploring why individuals from both
favorable
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favourable
show examples
and less
favorable
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favourable
show examples
environments commit
crime
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, and
outgoing
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apply
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how a punishment-free society may negatively affect the
crime
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rate. On one hand, improving
conditions
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of
life
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in a city may dramatically decrease
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
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commited
Correct your spelling
committed
, because there is no need to do it. The easiest way to do it is to provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
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financial support for those in need.If everyone had enough finances to close
a
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their
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basic needs, there wouldn’t be a split between
poor
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the poor
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and reach.
For example
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, citizens from poorer districts are likely to burgle
welthier
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wealthier
houses, because people feel unfairness. If most
of
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apply
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individuals had approximatly equal amount of money,
this
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issue would be solved
In addition
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to that, a thing that might
also
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effect
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affect
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a
life
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quality is to make
environment
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the environment
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safer to prevent
crimes
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.
Area
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An area
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that is
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unpleasant for
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
acts
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
may reduce the number of commitments.
For instance
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, crowded,
well lighted
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well-lit
areas
,
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apply
show examples
are less likely to become a
crime
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scene. So safe streets are the
fandamentals
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fundamentals
of preventing
crime
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. But
on the other hand
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, improving
a
Replace the word
living
life
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conditions
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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only likely to prevent, not eliminate
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crimes
Punctuation problem
, crimes
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completely. Even in pleasant
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conditions
Punctuation problem
conditions,
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the probability of
crimes
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is never zero.
That is
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why punishment is
steel
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still
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important. Without
them
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them,
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people will commit
crimes
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even more, because they will know that consequences will be
misarable
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miserable
. So it is important to prevent
crimes
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in
first
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the first
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place, but punishment should be present all the time.
This
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approach will have the best outcome in reducing
level
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the level
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of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree in the first part and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are too short, so the reader wants more detail about why they are true.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your ideas about poor areas and safe streets are good, but they need more exact support.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. The second body part is a bit short and could connect better to the main argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic of crime prevention all the way.
task response
You give more than one reason, which helps build your answer.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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