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Band 7

Sending criminal to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #method #education #job
The traditional approach to dealing with criminals often involves sending them to jail.
However
,
education
 and job training are more effective ways to rehabilitate and reintegrate them into
society
. I totally agree with
this
 perspective, as these methods can address the root causes of criminal behaviour and reduce the likelihood of reoffending. To start with, one key advantage of vocational training and
education
 is their ability to reduce recidivism. By equipping offenders with skills that help them secure employment, they are less likely to return to criminal activities to support themselves.
For instance
, programs that provide vocational training in fields, like construction , culinary arts, or technology have shown that former inmates who participate in
such
 programs are more likely to find stable jobs and become financially independent after release result, reducing their chances of reoffending and contributing to safer communities.
Secondly
, many individuals commit crimes
due to
 a lack of
education
 or poor economic opportunities. Providing
education
 and job training helps manage these underlying issues, giving individuals an alternative path to a productive life. To illustrate, educational programs that teach basic literacy, financial management, and interpersonal skills can empower lawbreakers to make better choices and improve their quality of life, which ultimately benefits
society
 as a whole.
Therefore
,
this
 rehabilitation approach allows individuals to reintegrate into
society
 with greater confidence and self-sufficiency. In conclusion,
while
 prisons serve an important role in public safety, focusing solely on incarceration does not effectively address the root causes of crime. By offering
education
 and job training,
society
 can provide offenders with the tools they need to succeed, reducing recidivism and promoting rehabilitation.
Submitted by almirasartayeva on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While you have introduced the topic clearly and provided a coherent structure, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This will enhance overall cohesion.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples. While the examples you provided are relevant, they could be more specific with data or case studies to solidify your argument.
General
Check for minor grammatical and punctuation errors. Although they don't significantly detract from the essay, correcting them will improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
You have presented a balanced argument, considering both the benefits of education and job training for criminals.
Task Achievement
The examples used are relevant and help to illustrate your points clearly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Incarceration
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Root causes
  • Deterrence
  • Cost-effective
  • Societal reintegration
  • Employment opportunities
  • Stable income
  • Criminal behavior
  • Rehabilitative methods
What to do next:
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