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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of 18-25 year olds in university in 4 different countries.

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The graph below shows the percentage of 18-25 year olds in university in 4 different countries.
The line graph illustrates the rates of certain age
between
Check wording
groups between
show examples
 18 and 25 years old in
university
Check wording
universities
show examples
 from 1961 to 2011, divided in foure categories
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
Singapore
Use synonyms
, Malaysia, the philippines and
Thailand
Use synonyms
. 
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who enrolled in universities increased consistently in
foure
Correct your spelling
four
 countries over the period,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Singapore
Use synonyms
 reching to the peak over the period. In 1961, the
figures
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in
Singapore
Use synonyms
 started at 15, and it rose gradually at approximetly 30,
while
Linking Words
Thailand
Use synonyms
 recorded
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25, after it experienced a slight fall
recorded at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 25. After two decades, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in
Singapore
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest trend reach around 35
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, in
Thailand
Use synonyms
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
 stable
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 20.
both
Fix capitalization
Both
show examples
 countries reached
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 highest recorded
over
Check wording
levels over
show examples
 the period
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 44 and 43.
In contrast
Linking Words
, both countries recorded the lowest patterns throughout the
perid
Correct your spelling
period
. In Malaysia
number
Use synonyms
 of enrolled
students
Use synonyms
 started at the lowest point
berfore
Correct your spelling
before
 facing a significant rose reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in the
Philppines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
 started at 8.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 first
remainimg
Correct your spelling
remaining
 climbed
reachimg at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20, and the least the
students
Use synonyms
 faced level off for the
last
Linking Words
 2
decades
Punctuation problem
decades,
show examples
 recorded at around 15.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words singapore, thailand, students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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