IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that to protect local cultures, tourism should be banned in some areas, while others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 think that
tourism
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 should
banned
Verb problem
be banned
show examples
 in some places to protect local
cultures
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
change
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 is
nutural
Correct your spelling
natural
 and banning
tourism
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 will not help.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand ,
tourism
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 can have a negative effect on local
cultures
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.When many
tourists
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 visit a place , local traditions
my
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may
show examples
change
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 to attract visitors.
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example ,
people
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my
Use the right word
may
show examples
change
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 their clothes ,food ,
festivals
Correct word choice
and festivals
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 to make them more interesting for
tourists
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.
This
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 can
cauce
Correct your spelling
cause
 the loss of original culture.
In addition
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 ,too many
tourists
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 can make cities more crowded and
icrease
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increase
 prices ,which makes life difficult for
loacl
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local
people
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 .
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therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
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, banning
tourism
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 in some areas could help protect culture and traditions.
On the other hand
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 , some
people
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 believe that
change
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 is unavoidable . Today , the world
connected
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is connected
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 through the internet ,media, and technology ,so
cultures
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 are
alwayes
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always
 changing . Even without
tourism
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 ,
people
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 will still be influenced by other countries .
Moreover
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 ,
tourism
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 brings many benefits
..
Punctuation problem
.
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 It creates jobs ,improves the economy , and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
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 learn from different
cultures
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 .
Therefore
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, if
tourism
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banned
Verb problem
is banned
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, many
people
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 may lose
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 income. In my opinion,
tourism
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 should not
completely
Verb problem
be completely
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 banned .
Instead
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 ,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should control
tourism
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 and make rules to protect local culture .Forexample ,they can limit the number of visitors and educate
tourists
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 to respect traditions. In conclusion ,
although
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tourism
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 can harm local
cultures
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 ,banned is not
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 solution , and better
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 is more effective .

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task response
For task response, answer both sides in a more full way. Your view is clear, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
For task response, use one or two more clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. But some link words are not used well, and there are many small form mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Check punctuation and spacing. For example, leave one space after commas and do not add extra dots.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion, so you answer the full task.
task response
Your opinion is easy to see in the third paragraph and the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic link words like On the one hand, On the other hand, In my opinion, and In conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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