Being a celebrity such as film star or singer brings problem as well as benefit. Do you think that being a celebrity bring more benefit or more problem?

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Nowadays, being
influencer
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an influencer
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is
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apply
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significantly contributes to
enhance
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enhancing
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communities. I believe that celebrities bring more advantages than disadvantages because of the following reasons.
To begin
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with, those
people
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can influence
people
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s' behaviour and
belifies
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beliefs
.
Although
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these could cause
negative
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a negative
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impact in certain cases,
it
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they
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may influence the followers in a positive way. To illustrate, when challenges occur within societies
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such
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, such
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as
crisis
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crises
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, diseases and donations, the best way to increse the awareness and encourage
them
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people
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to
being
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become
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supporting members is through
posted
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posts
on social media by influencers
because
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, because
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some
people
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do not have
idea
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an idea
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about what happens globally or even locally.
Consequently
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,
this
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may help to develop communities and provide better lives for all
people
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.
In contrast
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,
this
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trend may
has
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have
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drawbacks. Not all famous
people
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having
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have
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aims to improve their countries.
For example
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, some of them
priority
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prioritise
making money
on
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over
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supporting
own
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their own
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communities.
For example
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, they may
fabrice
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fabricate
advertisements for foreign companies or
falsification
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falsify
the facts in order to gain more money. As a
results
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result
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,
this
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can weaken community cohesion and lead to conflicts and distrust between residents. In conclusion, even though celebrities may cause
destruct
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destruction
among local
people
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, they can benefit their countries through supporting governments' missions and
rise
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raising
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awareness
between
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among
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residents. If
government
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the government
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offer the suit environment to those
people
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and
reward
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rewards
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them
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due to
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for
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their efforts,
this
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would promote
thier
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their
abilities to achieve better outcomes for all
people
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say very clearly why benefits are more than problems in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to show how famous people help society in real life.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they need fuller explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts jump too fast.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the introduction.
task response
You included both benefits and problems, so the essay answers all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your examples about social media and money help support your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adoration
  • scrutiny
  • paparazzi
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • substance abuse
  • luxurious lifestyle
  • platform
  • influence
  • awareness
  • prompting
  • unrealistic standards
  • self-esteem
  • exclusive events
  • networking
  • collaborations
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