IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is necessary to be naturally talented to achieve success in sports. Others believe that hard work and practice are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A large number of individuals believe that
essentially
Correct pronoun usage
they essentially
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 have natural
talent
Use synonyms
 to achieve progress in sports. Other
people
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 think that only practice and hard
work
Use synonyms
 are
more
Rephrase
apply
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useful. In my opinion, both views are necessary
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 because
talent
Use synonyms
 and persistence are important to achieve success. On the one hand, naturally talented
people
Use synonyms
 have several advantages. The first one,
persons
Check wording
people
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 who are
genius
Fix the agreement mistake
geniuses
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 from birth,
exposed
Verb problem
are exposed
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 to study easily than others. If some
people
Use synonyms
 are talented in sports, they will be able to
educated
Verb problem
be educated
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 in
this
Linking Words
 area so easily. The next one is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these
people
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 receive pleasure from the process, which speeds up the growth. Some scientists claimed that
such
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people
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 have better results because they enjoy the process
due to
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 their
talent
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. I am convinced that natural
talent
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 is important and occupies a huge role in achieving success in sports.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, hard
work
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 and practice provide notable benefits. It is often claimed that
people
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 who
work
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 hard and try to change anything
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 always get results, despite the lack of
talent
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. It is called perseverance, and sometimes
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 habits
even
Verb problem
are even
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 more effective than
talent
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. The next positive
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
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 is
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
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 like that, always have developed discipline. These skills are very important in any area of life, especially in sport, where you need regular training to achieve
the
Correct article usage
your
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 goals. I believe that perseverance and discipline can defeat
talent
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 in some situations. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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light of these facts, being naturally talented is important because of advantages
such
Linking Words
 us easy of learning and
pleasure
Correct article usage
the pleasure
show examples
 of the process.
Whereas
Linking Words
 hard
work
Use synonyms
 and practice develop perseverance and discipline, what is very important to achieve success.

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task response
Answer both views more fully. You talk about talent and hard work, but your ideas need more depth.
task response
Give a clear opinion all through the essay. Your opinion is there, but it could be stronger and more direct.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your points. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences do not connect well and feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with a short explanation or example. Some points stop too early.
task response
You discussed both sides of the topic.
task response
You gave your own opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the main ideas in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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