IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

some people argue that because the internet make it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. instead they should focus on developing children's skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In regard to the question whether schools should focus on developing children's skills, potential and their relationship with other people rather than facts, I don't think it's an either-or situation
so
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, so
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 I slightly disagree
the
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with the
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 above statement.
While
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 most people tend to think schools
take more focus
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focus more
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 on teaching only facts, they may not notice that during the teaching process, there is considerable room for communication and learning techniques for students to master,
not to mention
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 plenty of oppotunities of developing their potential. Facts from the textbooks are easier to
be assessed
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assess
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,
whereas
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 the said factors are hard to
be evaluated
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evaluate
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. I think that's part of the reason why the question occurs. Learning is not just about the result
,
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;
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 the process and experiences
also
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 play
the
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apply
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essential roles.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why you only partly disagree, and add both sides.
task response
Add one or two clear main body parts. Each part should have one main idea and a short example.
task response
Give a short ending that repeats your view in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph do one job only. Now the ideas are mixed a little.
coherence and cohesion
Support each point with a real or clear example, not only general ideas.
task response
You give your opinion in the first part, and this helps the reader understand your view.
task response
Your writing stays on the topic and does not go far away from the question.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph shape, so the reader can follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is used, like while and whereas, and this helps flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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