The quality of the health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, there are various discussions on whether the
government
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should provide advanced
healthcare
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for every individual, regardless of their wealth.
While
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some argue that individual sickness comes from abundant reasons,
therefore
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, it should not be entirely the
government
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's responsibility, I strongly believe that equal
access
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to the
healthcare
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system is a complete responsibility of the state. First and foremost, there is no doubt that one of the most crucial responsibilities of the
government
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is to take care of the citizens’ well-being. As a
tax payer
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taxpayer
, every
citizen
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should be provided impartial
access
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to the welfare state. Taxation systems are carefully calculated
according to
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the individual’s income
ranges
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range
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and financial capacity.
Therefore
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, there is no justification for the state to provide unfair
healthcare
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access
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based on personal wealth.
For example
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, in
The
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the
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United Kingdom, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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free medical treatment for every
citizen
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.
As a result
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, people with low income don’t get stuck in financial burden or skip necessary medical treatment.
Furthermore
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, public
healthcare
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access
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plays a significant role in encouraging economic development. The country's workforce efficiency reflects the quality of health and well-being of the majority of
the
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its
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citizens. There is
undoubtedly
Replace the word
no doubt
that
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government
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the government
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duty
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apply
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is entitled to move the country forward for the better. Increasing a healthy workforce prevents manpower shortage.
For instance
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,
economic
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the economic
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shutdown during the Coronavirus pandemic. Overwhelmed public hospitals and insufficient vaccination coverage led to the decline of workforce participation
which
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, which
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directly affected productivity and economic stability. In conclusion, I affirm that it is the
government
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’s responsibility to provide equitable support for every
citizen
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.
This
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issue goes beyond the amount of money that individuals contribute
in
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to
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the system because it directly relates to improving the quality of life among people.
Consequently
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, it drives national development and economic stability.
Therefore
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, every
government
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should ensure that every
citizen
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is included in the
healthcare
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system.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in each body part. Put the key point in the first line, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts link well, but a few lines sound a bit hard to follow.
task achievement
Give one more clear and real example to support your second main point.
task achievement
Answer the question more fully by showing why you strongly agree, and also why the other side is weaker.
task achievement
Check some sentences that are not fully clear, because unclear ideas can lower your score for task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas stay on the topic and do not go off track.
task achievement
You give support for your main points, especially with the tax and UK health care example.
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