One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In many nations,
life
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expectancy is rising
due to
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medical breakthroughs. I partially agree that
this
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is a positive development, as it brings both significant benefits and notable drawbacks.
To begin
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with, many diseases previously considered incurable can now be treated.
For instance
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, conditions like cancer can be eliminated if detected at early stages. Thanks to advanced technology, individuals are given a second chance at
life
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.
This
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gives hope to those suffering from rare diseases, allowing them to lead a normal
life
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.
Furthermore
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, medical recovery can improve employment prospects for people with disabilities, fundamentally changing their quality of
life
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.
On the other hand
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, rapid medical development has its downsides.
Firstly
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,
while
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some countries excel in healthcare, the majority still face a shortage of qualified professionals.
Consequently
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, patients often have to travel abroad and raise enormous funds for treatment.
Secondly
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, a population with high longevity may limit job opportunities for the youth, potentially increasing unemployment and straining the economy. Governments must
then
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allocate tremendous resources to pay pensions
while
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simultaneously trying to stimulate the job market for the younger generation. In conclusion,
while
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developing medicine offers a second chance at
life
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, it
also
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presents challenges
such
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as high costs and economic pressure on the state.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, or not.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your main idea.
task response
Explain more why longer life is good for family, work, or society.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'however', 'as a result', and 'for example' to show ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea and explain it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is clear, but it should match your main opinion more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a good order and easy to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the question, which is good.
task response
You use some examples, such as cancer treatment and job issues.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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