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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts and the table show the primary sources and the total amount of fish that transported into United States in the year 1988 to 2000.

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The table displays the
detial
Correct your spelling
details
 about the total value in
billions
Use synonyms
 of
dollars
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts illustrate the percentage of
source
Correct article usage
the source
show examples
 of fish imported to the U.S from 1988 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total value experienced
an sharply increasing
Replace the word
a sharp increase
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Cannada shown a downward trend
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 China and others
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 an upward trend over the given time frame. Looking at the table in detail, it can be seen that the proportion of the
totall
Correct your spelling
total
 value stood at 6.57
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
 in the first
year
Use synonyms
. Over the following 4 years, it rose
graduately
Correct your spelling
gradually
by around 2
Use synonyms
billions
Replace the word
billion
dollars
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 climbed rapidly to 10.72
Use synonyms
billions
Check wording
billion
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
 in the final
year
Use synonyms
. It can
also
Linking Words
 be observed that
Cannada
Correct your spelling
Canada
 accounted for 60% in the initial
year
Use synonyms
, which was the highest proportion among the other countries. After that, it dropped
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 half
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
, and
then
Linking Words
 remained
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar percentage , apporximately 30 %.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the others made up 27% in the beginning of the period. In the next 4 years, it jumped to 46%, which was leading two different countries, and
until
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the final
year
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words billions, dollars, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary sources
  • import
  • export
  • sustainable
  • trade
  • volume
  • shifts
  • increase
  • decrease
  • prominent
  • exporters
  • fishery
  • market dynamics
  • trade agreements
  • conservation
  • supply chain
  • trend analysis
  • economic impact
  • fishing industry
  • environmental concerns
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