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Writing Samples
Band 5

Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30’s. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

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In many nations,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is increasing
due to
Linking Words
 the development of
medicine
Use synonyms
, and
consequently
Linking Words
,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is increasing. I partially agree with
this
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 statement since both sides have
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 advantages and downsides.
To begin
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 with, diseases that were considered incurable in recent years are now possible to be treated. Health problems like cancer and tumours can be
gotten rid of
Verb problem
treated
show examples
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
stages
Fix the agreement mistake
stage
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. Thanks to advanced
medicine
Use synonyms
 , people are given more opportunities and can get a second chance
to live
Change preposition
at life
show examples
. These factors give hope to people
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who suffer from rare diseases
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and let them live normally.
Furthermore
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, not every workplace hires individuals with disabilities, so having an opportunity to get treated would change one's
life
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.
On the other hand
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, despite making families happy and providing an opportunity to live in comfort, there are various disadvantages to fast-developing
medicine
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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,
although
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 there are some countries with advanced
medicine
Use synonyms
, in the majority of nations there are lack of professionals who would be able to cure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those who suffer from rare diseases mostly have to travel to other countries and raise funds in order to pay for the treatment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a population with a long
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is not able to provide workplaces for youngsters, which would increase the unemployment rate of the country and lower the economy.
Consequently
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, the government would have to spend tremendeous amount of money on senior citizens to pay pensions, and provide workplaces for the younger generation. In conclusion, both sides of developing
medicine
Use synonyms
 have their pros and cons,
such
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 as giving a second chance at
life
Use synonyms
, and the extremely high price of the treatment.

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task response
Write about the given topic only. Your essay talks about medicine and long life, but the task is about young people living with parents because homes cost too much.
task response
Answer the question clearly. You must say if the advantage is more than the disadvantage, and keep this idea clear in all parts.
task response
Use ideas that match the topic. For example, you can talk about saving money, less freedom, family support, and late independence.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point only. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used well, like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'. Keep using simple linking words.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not connect well because they are about a different topic. Make sure all sentences support the same question.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing, which helps the reader.
task response
You tried to show both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words to join ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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