IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two pie charts below show how an average household in Australia used energy for different purposes in 1995 and 2015.

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The given pie chart depicts information about
energy
Use synonyms
 usage in Australian household in 1995 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both charts heating and water heating take the majority of
energy
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 other machines use less than half of
overall
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Australian citizens used the majority of the
energy
Use synonyms
 on heating and water heating, which is more than 50% in both years. In 1995 70% of
energy
Use synonyms
 was used on heating procedures in general, and exactly 10% on refrigeration, lighting and other appliances.
However
Linking Words
, in 2015
energy
Use synonyms
 usage doubled in other appliances,
although
Linking Words
 the number is still low compared to other purposes. At the same time,
energy
Use synonyms
 spent on lighting stayed stable over the decade. Compared to 1995, individuals spent less
energy
Use synonyms
 on heating
overall
Linking Words
, and slightly more on refrigeration, which increased to 15% in 2015.
To sum up
Linking Words
, over the decade Australian household experienced change over the decade,
however
Linking Words
 there are no dramatic changes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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