IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need form the internet. They can learn and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 people believe that education can be done just by accessing
informations
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information
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 online. The widespread availability of
internet
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the internet
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 has led many to believe that
schools
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 are no longer important.
While
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 digital resources have transformed the way education
has been
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is
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 conducted, I strongly disagree with the notion that
schools
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 should become unnecessary for
students
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. I believe that
schools
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 provide far more than information for them, including structured learning and social development. One of the main reasons why
schools
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 remain an important aspect for
students
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are
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is
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 because of
its
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their
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 teachers and curriculum. Young learners often need clear structures, discipline, and regular assessment in order to progress effectively. Without teachers to
organize
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organise
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 lessons and explain complex concepts, many
students
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 may struggle to stay motivated
and
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, and
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 some may misunderstand important material.
Moreover
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, teachers
also
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 help
students
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 to develop critical thinking skills that
helps
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help
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 them distinguish reliable information from misleading
contents
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content
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 online.
In addition
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, school
also
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 plays a crucial role in shaping the children's social ability that home cannot fully replace. Inside the classrooms,
students
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 learn how to cooperate, communicate, resolve conflicts, and work in teams with people from different backgrounds. These interpersonal skills are essential for adulthood and future employment.
Consequently
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,
schools
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 provide extracurricular activities
,
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apply
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 and opportunities to grow that are difficult to replicate in isolation. In conclusion,
while
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 the internet is a valuable educational tool and can be used to complement traditional teaching, I believe that it cannot replace school completely. They offer a lot of things that are not on the internet.
Therefore
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,
conventional
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a conventional
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 school is still necessary for children.

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task response
For task response: your answer is clear, but you can explain your ideas more. Add one real or clear example in each body part.
task response
For task response: you answer the question and give your view, but some points are a bit general. Show more about why home study is not enough.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it better, link ideas more smoothly inside each part.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some sentences have small grammar problems, and this can make the flow less smooth. Keep sentence forms simple and clear.
task response
For task response: you clearly say that you disagree, and you keep this view through the whole essay.
task response
For task response: your main ideas are relevant to the topic, especially school as a place for learning and social growth.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay is well organized with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: you use clear linking words like 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Therefore'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured learning
  • social interaction
  • trained educators
  • critical thinking skills
  • self-directed learning
  • equity in education
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded education
  • holistic development
  • online resources
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