IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some companies sponsor stars and sport players as way to advertise for themselves. Some people think that it is good, while others think that there are more disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Many organizations promotes public figures and athletes in
other
Use the right word
order
show examples
 to
publicize
Change the spelling
publicise
show examples
 themselves. Some think that it is a good
idea
Punctuation problem
idea,
show examples
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that
they're
Fix the agreement mistake
it's
show examples
 more bad in it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will disscus the both views and give its own take.
To begin
Linking Words
,
Audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
 easily gets influenced by the stars,
people
Use synonyms
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to get convinced about a particular product when it's being used by
popular
Correct article usage
a popular
show examples
 person. It doesn't matter to them if it's good or bad because they believe
It's
Change the spelling
it's
show examples
 the best when it's being consumed by their
favorites
Change the spelling
favourites
show examples
, so
this
Linking Words
 is a good business strategy for companies that would want to sell out fast by using a person in the limelight to pull the crowd and their target audience. As it's seen as trends by many.
For instance
Linking Words
,
adidas
Correct article usage
the adidas
show examples
 company doesn't use just anybody to model
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 products
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 uses well known
people
Use synonyms
 like Kendal Jenner and the likes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it sets
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
limitations for striving and
not known
Replace the word
unknown
people
Use synonyms
 as they are not given opportunities to showcase their potential. Many
people
Use synonyms
 would want to work with big brands
influence
Verb problem
to influence
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and start from somewhere
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 because these individuals are not yet known by many or have their audience in the social world, no company would want to risk the idea of working with
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 as it might attract low sales and not
meeting up with
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 the
companie's
Correct your spelling
company's
 target goals for the year.
For example
Linking Words
,
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 are so many
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 who would like to model for
viva detargents
Fix capitalization
Viva Detargents
show examples
, even for free
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 because they are not known as big
celebrities
Punctuation problem
celebrities,
show examples
 they are not considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the best to represent their brand. Conclusively, personally I strongly believe that it's best to use a star to represent the brand as it makes products appear trendy and attract many
people
Use synonyms
 to try
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
 it reduces the opportunities for non popular person to strive and be known.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear at the end, but the bad side needs more full detail.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Some points are good, but they need more full support and explanation.
task response
Use examples that are clear and fit the point well. Your examples help, but some feel a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result' in a more careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. Some sentences are long and hard to follow, so keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
You answered the task and gave your own view in the end.
task response
You included both the good side and the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You used examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsor = give money to support something
  • celebrity = a famous person
  • brand image = the way people see a company
  • trust = believe that someone or something is good
  • influence = power to change people’s ideas or actions
  • audience = the people who watch or listen
  • promote = help sell or support something
  • scandal = bad public event or shocking news
  • consumer = a person who buys things
  • quality = how good something is
  • competitive market = a market with many strong sellers
  • role model = a person others want to copy
  • emotional buying = buying because of feelings, not need
  • public attention = interest from many people
  • match the product = fit the product well
What to do next:
Look at other essays: