IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People
Use synonyms
 hold different opinions on whether it is necessary for
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 to study in
school
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 at least 18. I fully support
this
Linking Words
 perspective, since the age of 18 is the gap between
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
 and
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in most nations, 18 is the legal age as being adult, which means
people
Use synonyms
 can take fully response for themselves. Before that, teenagers are restricted, so there must
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 supervisors to intervene
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 activities and
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 them
damaging
Change preposition
from damaging
show examples
 anything.
However
Linking Words
, it will be difficult for parents
paying
Wrong verb form
to pay
show examples
 attention for 24 hours, since they have other
works
Check wording
work
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 situation,
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 can replace
this
Linking Words
 character for a
while
Linking Words
 by sending children to
school
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 education system can
let
Verb problem
allow
show examples
 parents to take a break
when
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
knowing that their children are safe and
under-controlled
Replace the word
under control
. Another reason is that
school
Use synonyms
 can teach teenagers the
abilities
Check wording
ability
show examples
 to become an independent person.
For example
Linking Words
, home economics
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
 can teach them how to cook and sew clothes systematically. These skills have nothing to do with their intelligence but
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 daily life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 can be seen as a small society, and students can understand some hidden rules between relationships during
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 time with other classmates. Without these experiences, they may offend someone in the future.
School
Use synonyms
 is not just a place to become smarter, but to learn how to survive in society. In conclusion, young
people
Use synonyms
 can not only
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 in a
safety
Replace the word
safe
 place, but
also
Linking Words
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 from both teachers and their
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
. So I completely agree to let young
age
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
stay in
school
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
task achievement
Add one more clear example to support your second main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
task achievement
Answer the question more fully by saying why some people may not agree, then show why you still fully agree.
task achievement
Make some ideas easier to understand. A few sentences are hard to follow now.
task achievement
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task achievement
You use a relevant example about home economics and life skills.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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