IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rate of crime is higher in cities than in rural areas. discuss and give your opinion why and ways to reduce crime

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It is
oten
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often
 argued that the rate of
crime
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 is
excssively
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excessively
 higher in
cities
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 than rural
ares
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areas
. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss
this
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issue
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 and recommend
prouper
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proper
 solutions
and
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, and
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eventually
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eventually,
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 I will give my
openion
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opinion
.
To begin
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 with, many reasons
add
Verb problem
contribute to
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 the rate of
the
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apply
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crime
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 in
cities
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.
First,
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in modern and crowded area
people
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 come from all over the country
and
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, and
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 mostly they do not know each other
which
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, which
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 allows for
people
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 with creminal tendency to commit their crimes because
no body
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nobody
 is going to
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 them. Take New York
city
Fix capitalization
City
show examples
 as an example, the
crime
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 there is very high simply
due to
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 the fact that
people
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 come from all over the world.
Secondly
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,
poverity
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poverty
 in
cities
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 is another reason that
threaten
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threatens
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 the security, whenever
people
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 have financial
problems
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problems,
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 they tend to
commiting
Wrong verb form
commit
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 crimes to bring their
daley requirments
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daily requirements
.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, prices in big
cities
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 are exorbitantly high and as a consquences poor
people
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 in fact have no way to
offer
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meet
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 their needs unless they act illegally. To eliminate those criminal actions
governments
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, governments
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 and
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 could share the responsibilities to tackle
this
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issue
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. Authorities with their
powes
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powers
 have to promote regulations that
protact
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protect
 the general safety of the residences by
inforcing
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enforcing
 the police power and enhancing the
prospurity
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prosperity
. Take a
maiga
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major
 city like Riyadh
which
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, which
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 has a low rate of
crime
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 because of the security
as well as
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 the financial support to
citizen
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citizens
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that is
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 offered by
government
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the government
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 to its
people
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.
Moreover
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, the community has its role in
this
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 matter to help the government by applying the law and
inform
Wrong verb form
informing
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 about any criminal action. In conclusion,
although
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cities
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 bring
people
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 from all over the world, it is not really impossible to eliminate
the
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apply
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crime
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. Not only do
governmnets
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governments
 face
this
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issue
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alon
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alone
, community
also
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 has its role to encounter
this
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commen
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common
issue
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.
This
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 is what I believe
and
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, and
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it might there
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there might
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 be many other solutions that could be done.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more clearly. You gave reasons and ways, but your opinion was not very clear in the body.
task response
Make your main ideas easier to follow. Put one clear idea in each part, then explain it with a short example.
task response
Use more specific support. Your examples help, but they need more detail and a clearer link to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are good, but sometimes the flow is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentences shorter and clearer. This will help the reader follow your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. This will improve the order of your essay.
task response
You answered the main topic and wrote about both why crime is higher and how to reduce it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples such as New York and Riyadh to support your ideas.
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