IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many offenders commit more crimes after they serve the first punishment. What does this happen, and what measures can be taken to solve this problem?

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It is believed that many offenders commit more crimes after they serve because the prison system is not effective
,
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apply
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 in most of the cases. One big measure that could be taken to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is implementing a program that
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 care of the prisoner reintegration in society. Nowadays, most of the
countries
Use synonyms
 don't have a solid project to accompany convicts after serving their sentence. Which means that they are literally released from jail with the same problems that they had before
and
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, and
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 maybe even carried with more frustration after the time wasted there. Public Security
departaments
Correct your spelling
departments
 should have an extension of their service to follow up and support these convicts from their first day of freedom.
This
Linking Words
 would include a massive support network with subsidies for
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 and psychological treatment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 system could
also
Linking Words
 offer employment programs and educational scholarships to give them the right tools so that they will be able to build a new
beggining
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beginning
. Scandinavian
countries
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as Norway and Finland, are ranked in first and second place
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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, as
countries
Use synonyms
 with the lower number of recidivism in crimes. It is probably not a
coicidence
Correct your spelling
coincidence
 that these
countries
Use synonyms
 have big projects and a good network between
departaments
Correct your spelling
departments
 to make prisoner return in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 positive both for them and for society. In conclusion, in most of the cases, offenders have no support to restart their lives outside prison and because of that ended up
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes again. To avoid it,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should invest in efficient programs that, in fact, look at these people and help them to create a new story.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say more clearly why people do crime again, not only what the system should do.
task response
Add one more clear reason for repeat crime, like no job, no home, or bad friends after prison.
task response
Develop each main idea a little more with one simple explanation or result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but some sentences are long and a bit hard to follow. Split long sentences into two.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words between ideas, like First, Also, For example, and As a result.
task response
You answer the problem and give solutions, so the reader can follow your main point.
task response
The example of Norway and Finland helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into clear paragraphs with an introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas connect in a natural order from problem to solution.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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