New coverage about violent crime frightens people and encourages criminals. Therefore, some people believe this type of news should not be reported in newspapers or shown on TVs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that safety plays a vital role in modern society.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that
news
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should not
violent
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report on violent
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crime because
this
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encourages criminals, others argue that
this
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type of
news
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should be reported to increase awareness. In my opinion, I strongly agree that
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this
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these
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types of
news
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encourages
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encourage
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criminals, and they should be banned from the media.
To begin
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with,
news
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coverage
violent
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of violent
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crime
engourage
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encourages
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criminal activities, because
people
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develop an idea about their crimes.
In other words
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,they understand how police officers
analysis
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analyse
crimes, and they can discover an idea
how
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of how
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to escape.
In addition
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,
this
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leads to understanding the location of security cameras, and they can
bulid
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build
up their plan away from them.
For example
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, a study conducted by the Department of Safety at the University of Miami showed
that
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apply
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a correlation between high exposure to violent media and increased aggressive
behavior
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behaviour
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. Another point to consider is that
people
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read
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who read
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the newspapers about the recent crimes may
they
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apply
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feel unsafe.It is
also
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possible to say that
,
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apply
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this
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news
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stimulates the
realse
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release
of stress hormones from the
recipient
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recipient's
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brain, and
this
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leads to poor sleep quality.
Moreover
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, individual watches these
news
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increased their susceptibility to develop anxiety.
For instance
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, a questionnaire conducted in China by the Police Department
,
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apply
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showed that
people
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who watched violent crime
news
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were more likely to
developed
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develop
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depression. In conclusion, despite
people
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having different views, I believe that high exposure to violent media
increased
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increases
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aggressive
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
and encourages criminals.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more clearly. You say why crime news is bad, but you do not really talk about the other side enough.
task response
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Put one clear point first, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
Use examples that fit your point well. Some examples sound possible, but they do not feel fully real or well explained.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences stop too fast or join in an unclear way.
coherence cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas are hard to follow because the order is not always natural.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples and results from studies.
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